Friday, December 15, 2006 someone here just really dislikes me. great.
someone here just really dislikes
Jon Signing off 12/15/2006 02:52:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, November 22, 2006 i am really considering moving to asu next year. i am pretty annoyed with flagstaff.
i am really considering moving
-Jon
Jon Signing off 11/22/2006 02:58:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, October 29, 2006
Vickie Pierce Hutchison
My mother died today. She had a garage sale earlier, and went inside to take a nap. My stepfather John went to walmart, and when he return she was squatting down next to the washer and dryer. She was purple. And then, she just closed her eyes. Nobody knows what happened. I hadn't talked to her in over a week.
Jon Signing off 10/29/2006 08:19:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, October 22, 2006
Worst day ever.
I came out to my dad. I called home after I got off work and he was first to answer. He asked if I was ok, and I wasn't and still am not. I cracked. I broke down , and told him. He was crying too. I told him that I felt like I had let everyone down. I still do. He took it well, and tried to calm me down. my step mom said that I could have told them and it wouldn't of changed anything. It feels like it was. I am so lost right now. I don't even know what I should do. Matt and I are done, and that saddens me more than anything. My parents know. I don't know what to do about that.
Jon Signing off 10/22/2006 04:39:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, September 19, 2006
Ugh.
I haven't been in the greatest mood lately. I feel like I have been just barely here. I don't have jobs that pay well enough, and as of right now I have around $7 in my account. I am looking for a third job, but, with my schedule, its going to be really hard. I haven't really hung out with anyone much. and when I have, it just doesn't feel right.
Trudy and Kayla are moving to tennesse. Which means next semester I won't have them as roommates. I will have either strangers, or Tracy and a stranger. I hate NAU. I hate flagstaff. I hate having to buy groceries. I hate smoking. I hate feeling worthless. I feel like I don't have many real friends up here anymore. Matt, along with everyone else I met freshman year are to busy with their frat, and Butters moved away. Trudy and Kayla are moving at the end of the semester, and Stevies, well, Stevie is a dirty pirate hooker.
Jon Signing off 9/19/2006 08:16:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
1 commentsi feel fucked by life.
i feel fucked by life.
-Jon
Jon Signing off 9/19/2006 01:06:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, September 18, 2006 i have spent the past 3 days stoned. i have been using it as an escape, but a rather unhealthy one.
i have spent the past
-Jon
Jon Signing off 9/18/2006 09:14:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, September 15, 2006
A Serious Rant.
So... I just watched a movie. It opened my eyes a little. Its a mainly gay oriented movie called "Eating Out"...
For some reason deep down inside me I am breaking apart. I haven't told my parents, and I think that next time my parents bring it up I might say something. I am so tired of hiding my life from my family. I feel disconnected. I feel as though I am not letting them know me at all. I have a huge weight on my shoulders that has been there since I can remember. I found myself wishing at the end of the movie that my parents were as accepting as those in the movie.
I think that I have a deep down bit of homophobia, and that is weird because, well, I am one. If a guy is too flambouyant or feminine, I cringe inside a little and I don't really know why. I could blame it on my environment when I was a kid, but is that the real truth? I am out of that, and surrounded by people who accept me for who I am. So why?
What if there is a real god? how could he impose something like this on someone? To go down a path that is often looked down upon. Is it to show strength in diversity as Jesus did? Will I burn in Hell eternal for trying to be happy with myself? Or will me striving to be happy be enough? is there a god? Ever since I knew, I have always questioned. Its fucked up if I was born this way and will go to Hell because of it.
Jon Signing off 9/15/2006 01:15:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
1 commentsFriday, September 08, 2006 i don't know what to do any more. i feel as though i know my limits, but someone else doesn't and i am the one that ends up getting hurt.
i don't know what to
-Jon
Jon Signing off 9/08/2006 03:17:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, August 23, 2006 i really want to know what the point is because i just don't get it.
i really want to know
-Jon
Jon Signing off 8/23/2006 12:10:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, August 06, 2006
What camp meant to me...
So I went back to camp for what really feels to be the last time. I saw ghosts the entire time. Flash backs of each memory. I wish that everyone knew what this camp was built of. Right now the whole structure is being ripped up and now it feels a little barren. It doesn't feel like home anymore. I never could have imagined Keith and Amanda leaving. But now that they are, I feel like I never really got the chance to say thank you. Camp was the structure of my life. Its how I made friends, and how I learned to love. I feel empty inside. I feel like if I mess up, its for good. I won't have camp to come back to. I will just be by myself, and have no where to go. I wish I had gone this summer. I was forgotten during the past summer, and not many will try to remember. Friendships I held to be strong are beginning to crumble apart. I hope it will stay as alive as it has been for the past 6 years of my life.
Jon Signing off 8/06/2006 07:16:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
1 commentsTuesday, August 01, 2006
Rant
There are times when I can honestly look back at highschool, and just not care. I look at how people have changed, and where I am now, and I think its for the better. Tonight a friend from highschool added me on myspace. Its kind of eerie to look at life now. How everyone has grown and changed and how much distance has grown between people. I look at them, and I want something, yet I don't know what. I want to grow. I want someone to look at me and see some change, but I don't think it will happen. I don't think I have changed. I think I am in a rutt. Tonight has left me feeling somber.
Jon Signing off 8/01/2006 12:51:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, July 29, 2006
On Smoking
Even though I have been 4 days clean. I think this video gives me reason to start again.
Jon Signing off 7/29/2006 11:17:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
So I haven't posted in a while. But I ahve been pretty busy lately. Well, except for today...
Sex sells right? but is there a point at which it crosses a line? a clothingg company called Shai has come out with a catologue that is pretty much a fashionable sex video. They have different versions for different orientations.
(ps... Not for kids)
Here is the Link.
http://www.sexpacking.com/home.php
Jon Signing off 7/29/2006 10:37:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, July 06, 2006 I lack the freedom he expresses in the book. Its how he can totally act upon his own free will. I am finding myself connecting to every thing that i an reading in running with scissors. It excites me that some day i might be able to right about my life someday.
Augusten B.
Jon Signing off 7/06/2006 07:37:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsso vacation basically sucks. I would rather be working. Hopefully i get to choose where my vacation is next time. I am a slave to my grandma.
so vacation basically sucks. I
Jon Signing off 7/06/2006 03:25:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, June 28, 2006 i think matt is the best boyfriend ever. he sent me a video tonight and he pretty much made my week, and made me miss him even more.
i think matt is the
-Jon
Jon Signing off 6/28/2006 01:31:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, June 25, 2006
Fuck Stevie
I like how every time I come home there is a mess all over the living room from stevies dog. and how it is never cleaned up.
Jon Signing off 6/25/2006 09:29:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, June 13, 2006 look at kayla! This message was sent using PIX-FLIX Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
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Jon Signing off 6/13/2006 10:31:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
1 commentsWednesday, June 07, 2006 I am not to good at this living thing. I line of wish something would happen to me.
I am not to good
-Jon
Jon Signing off 6/07/2006 08:45:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
1 commentsi just want one moment of private tranquility. i now have no food. oh but i do have water. i wish i could actually feel good for once.
i just want one moment
Jon Signing off 6/07/2006 08:41:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, June 06, 2006 by the sounds of things my mom isn't doing to great. she cut her wrists once when i was a kid. i hope its not a thought crossing her mind.
by the sounds of things
-Jon
Jon Signing off 6/06/2006 02:16:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, June 05, 2006
Hope
Something I painted recently. The leaf in the left hand corner says hope.
Jon Signing off 6/05/2006 12:12:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments This incubus song is exactly how I feel around her. I don't want to talk to you anymore I'm afraid of what I might say I bite my tongue everytime you come around Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground Hand over my heart I swear I've tried everything I could Within all my power two weeks and one hour I slaved and now I've got nothing to show Oh if only you'd grow taller than a brick wall From now on I'm gonna start holding my breath When you come around and you flex that fake grin Cause something inside of me has said more than twice That breathing less air beats breathing you at all I don't want to talk to you anymore I'm afraid of what I might say I bite my tongue everytime you come around Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground Hand over my mouth I'm earning the right to my silence In quiet discerning between ego and timing Good judgement is once again proving to me that it's Still worth it's weight in gold From now on I'm gonna be so much more wary When you start to speak and my warm blood starts to boil That seeing you is like pulling teethAnd hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil I don't want to talk to you anymore I'm afraid of what I might sayI bite my tongue everytime you come around Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground High fives to a better judgement By saying less today I will gain more Low two's to you my fickle friend Who brought the art of silent war
Stalemate.
So yet again I am at a stalemate with stevie. I understand that she is having problems with her dad, but when she takes it out on me, it truly makes me feel like shit. I have been trying to do little things for her, like for the past week I have been cooking for her, I have cleaned, I even agreed to pay the pet deposit next Friday (which I was going to wait another month for).
It started last night when she told me to clean the apartment. It wasn't what she said, but the way she said it. It was like grinding gears. I did it anyways, but left a note saying that I was very hurt and felt very disrespected by the way she had said it. The next morning she screams at me about the note, so I just brush it aside, and agree to watch her dog. When she got back from lunch with her dad, she snapped at me. I am so fed up with her snapping at me constantly. I feel like everytime I talk to her I am not sure if she is going to snap at me or act normal. She is starting to relate closely to my moms bipolar tendencies. I am tired of doing things for her because I can't even get a thanks, let alone her treating me well. My mom already hates her from what I have said has gone on in the apartment. I was trying to convince her otherwise, but slowly I am starting to agree with my mom. I tried talking to stevie again tonight, only to be ignored. I don't feel like I am the one who should be apologizing in this situation, because I the one doing her favors. I am really not sure if I should even pay the deposit anymore, because what's the use? I can wait. I am the one shelling out $400 to pay it. Am I wrong?I really don't think so. My parents would freak if they knew I was paying that much right now. I just want to be treated better, rather being stepped on and feeling like I am walking on eggshells around her.
Jon Signing off 6/05/2006 01:04:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, June 04, 2006 look at stevies demon dog! i cant wait to get mine next weekend! woot! This message was sent using PIX-FLIX Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
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Jon Signing off 6/04/2006 08:59:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, June 01, 2006 Starting June 12th I will be working 65 hours a week, makind close to a grand every paycheck. It will get me away from the house. Hurrah! gross.
Starting June 12th I will
Jon Signing off 6/01/2006 10:58:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, May 30, 2006 so today went alright. I got ober time at work, so i ended up working 11 hours. My next paycheck should be around $500.
so today went alright. I
Jon Signing off 5/30/2006 12:05:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsBut, Stevie changed her mind yet again. She decided that she is going to give her puppy away, thus making it impossible to pay the pet deposit
But, Stevie changed her mind
Jon Signing off 5/30/2006 12:05:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsand paying rent. i thought the puppy would help me with depression. its what i was looking forward to...
and paying rent. i thought
Jon Signing off 5/30/2006 12:05:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, May 29, 2006 I honestly think that Matt is the only reason i stayed at NAU.
I honestly think that Matt
Jon Signing off 5/29/2006 01:43:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, May 28, 2006
Sun.
One of the most annoying things about living with others is realizing their norm. For me, my norm is to make up my mind quickly, and follow through with what I originally had set as a plan. Most of the times this works, but sometimes one has to reorganize their thoughts.
For Stevie this does not hold true. I have seen her go back and forth on so many things, one of the most annoying things is pet rent. She held onto the idea of paying the pet rent off next week for about a week and changed her mind once again. This is what the first fight was about, but I am trying with all my strength not to scream. She drives me literally batty.
Matt called tonight, and tried to help me with the depression that has set in. Even though he gave me as much help as he could, the answer is simple. I miss him, and everyday that he hasn't been here, has been worse then the last. I no longer feel good about myself. I feel as though I am slowly suffocating, and I have watched far to many sunrises this week because of the insomnia depression has given me. I think if I did have the puppy up here, I might be a little happier, but I really cant see that happening. I just see me sitting in my room at this keyboard typing about how I wish things could be. I no longer care about anything around me. Every time I go to sleep I just don't want to wake up. I want to just be unconsious. I thought this summer would be great, but now the saying "There is no never ending banquet under the sun" rings all to true in my mind...
Jon Signing off 5/28/2006 02:34:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
1 commentsSaturday, May 27, 2006 I don't even know if i am sure about this whole blogging thing anymore. Is it actually releiving stress, or merly making me contemplate my life.
I don't even know if
Jon Signing off 5/27/2006 05:51:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSometimes it freaks me out. life that is. Just thinking about everything that is going on in my life makes me cringe a little inside. i am trying to figure out what is going on, but i am a little depressed and struggle with the thought of even attempting to get my life together. I am still way to dependent on my parents, but without them, don't even know where i might be be. I miss Matt more and more each day and its not getting any better only worse... This message was sent using PIX-FLIX Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
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Jon Signing off 5/27/2006 05:45:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, May 23, 2006
Inventory.
after expecting to work till 8 I was pleased to find that we got out early. I donated blood at around 9:30 today, and it left me a bit woozy, but was worth getting $25. I think that I might end up coming up short for next months rent, but I really don't want to call my parents and ask them. I hopefully got the job at the Flag Y. I am kind of depressed, as Matt really didn't want to talk to me tonight while he was on the phone with stevie. I am going to watch smallville, go to bed, and then go to work. What a useless summer.
Jon Signing off 5/23/2006 02:29:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, May 22, 2006
Blues
I don't know if moving off campus was such a good idea. I feel as though I am strapped for cash, which I am. I am constantly feeling horrible about going to the movies and buying the smallest of things. I wish this was a bit simpler for me, but it has been rough. I owe 1000 for my credit card, and am struggleing to make payments. I wanted to save up for the pet deposit, but I feel like that is a hopeless situation.
I feel as though I am slowly going insane even with the pressures of school off of my back. I have to work at 12:30pm tomorrow, but before, I have to donate plasma, and fill out paperwork for what I am assuming is a better job. I hope.
Jon Signing off 5/22/2006 01:54:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, May 21, 2006
The norm?
So it has been over a year since I have last posted. I have come to realize that this was one of my only vents before everything first started, and that I have kept alot bottled up. This year has been pretty eventfull, as I have now moved off campus and am starting to really worry about life after college. Matt is living in Boston for the summer, and I am a little out of it because of that. There has been way to much change in the past 12 monthes, and now I feel hopelessly lost. I want to succeed, but for some reason it just doesn't seem to be my nature. I have come to terms with myself in certain ways, but I can no longer grasp who I want to be. I lost my whole notion of being myself, and have found myself directly reflecting everyone I hang out with. I am no longer whole, but fragmented pieces of who I used to be. I have no idea how to get myself back.
I started smoking. I slightly blame it on Matt, but I realize that it was completly my choice. I drink less than I did when I first came to college. Pot is an occasional luxury.
I sometimes look at myself and try and imagine what I am like through someone elses eyes. So far, I don't like what I see, right now I feel as though I am annoying selfish and beyond all reasonable doubt bitter. I have lost everything that I used to stand for, and now it is not unusual to find me wanting to curl up in the corner of a dark room. College has changed everything.
Jon Signing off 5/21/2006 09:39:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, January 19, 2005
You said happy.
So I guess this is goodbye. I truthfully only whine and complain in this thing and it does not seem to be a completly worthwile commitment. Most have stopped reading it and in the end I guess it may have let people see something in me. For Now, I am laying this blog down to rest after this last entry.
Lately I can hardly stand the person I have become. I changed so much. I think that in a way I was more true to myself in my last year of highschool. Lately I have been dragged down by most peoples expectations. I hope that anyone who reads this does not turn out like I did.
Goodbye.
-Jon.
(Who knows. You may find another blog somewhere on the web. Don't look to hard.)
Jon Signing off 1/19/2005 01:22:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, December 11, 2004
less weight more mass.
Sometimes I wonder why I am up here at NAU. Yeah, I have alot of friends, but I can not truthfully say that I am always happy up here. I crave change and yet I have already fallen into a routine. Hopefully next semester will be different. Hopefully.
Jon Signing off 12/11/2004 11:08:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, December 10, 2004
Jubalia.
You know you have a good job when parting is such sweet sorrow.
Jon Signing off 12/10/2004 06:05:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Play by Play.
if someone were to ask what I had been doing these past couple of weeks, I don't know if I would be able to give then a straight forward answer. So much has happened it what seems like so little time, that I am amazed at how I am actually getting the grades that I am getting. I have so far stuck to my promise of not smoking weed, although I still have a bowl worth left.
I am amazingly poor right now, I have been spending alot of money on christmas presents and this leaves me with nothing but a few bucks.
I am drinving up to tonopah on the 18th. My mom made it through the surgery and is still really sore. I am constantly worried now that the cancer is going to come back. I don't know how I am going to do on my finals, for I have not really opened any of my books in a good month and a half. This scares me as I don't think I will do that well. I do have to maintain a B average to keep my half tuition waiver.
I havent been keeping up with my art lately. Time just doesn't seem to be on my side. In that past month I have read Perks of Being a Wall Flower, Naked, and Eye's of the Dragon. The first two I really enjoyed that third gave me little interest.
Next semester I am taking 19 credits. I am also working full time. Next semester is going to be hell.
Jon Signing off 12/10/2004 02:41:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, November 23, 2004
Release me
To release someone is to let them experience something they never thought possible.
To know where ones life is going is boring.
To have spontaneity and originality is a virtue
Jon Signing off 11/23/2004 01:03:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, November 19, 2004
YOU DONT KNOW ME.
YOU NEVER WILL.
Jon Signing off 11/19/2004 11:14:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, November 18, 2004
Resist Temptation.
In the past couple of days have had more work and studying than I think in the semester combined.
Callie and Amanda worry about me to much. Yes I get depressed more often than I show it, but I truthfully just dont feel like I have to dump so much shit on them. I think everyone has enough of their own stuff to deal with.
Lately I have not been exactly happy, although I have not been exactly sad either. I am in the middle ground with a somewhat somber feeling.
People are drifting. I knew it was to come so I don't know why it is coming to such a surprise to me.
School ends in about a month and with that I am grateful. NAU is nice, but I need a break. I need to be away from everything here for awhile. I need to find myself again.
Please don't worry about me, you need not.
Jon Signing off 11/18/2004 01:34:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, November 12, 2004
Prosthetic Limb and a can of soup.
Coming from math today I found a praking services officer writting me a ticket for parking in the wrong lot. I didn't say anything , and just took it. After all, he was just doing his job. It wasnt a big ticket. Just 30 bones.
The next few days that I am going to be working, I am going to be getting more hours. In 2 weeks I work 6 hours straight on friday. that would make up more than half of one of my paychecks now. Next week I will be working 8.
I finished reading life of pi. I really enjoyed the escape that it gave me even though it was temporary.
My mom was supposed to have her surgery yesterday, but she rescheduled for the end of the month. I really wish she hadn't.
I am glad that I am going home for the weekend. I need a break from everything.
My choices lately have not been good. Not at all.
Jon Signing off 11/12/2004 01:43:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, November 06, 2004
Midnight Snap.
I found out my mom has breast cancer. And theres nothing I can do.
Jon Signing off 11/06/2004 06:06:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, November 03, 2004
274...The Continuation of a bad president.
Last Friday I went to a party that was I think the best party I have been to. I think I am more of a small party person. Big parties just seem so irresponsible. KT and Justin's apartment was a very good place to have it, there was also no shortage of alcohol. I ended up crashing at around 3 am.
Saturday I went to a halloween party, where I ended up stealing Shandas costume and became an identity crisis. I got drunk, and while in this state, I smoked so ganje. I did not mean to, and now I can only hope that there will not be a random drug test. Later that night I got kicked out of the party for peeing in a corner outside. I got back in after 5 minutes, and only stayed 10 more. I walked back to the dorm , while doing so , Matt and I met a giant inflated penis. We tried smoking Hookah in my room, where Kyle proceeded to burn a hole in my chair.
Tuesday morning I drove down to Phoenix and at around 11 am I established my Voice. I voted for Kerry. This was followed by watching the presidential race.
I listened to Something Corporate's CD North on the drive down and back up nonstop. I enjoy their music far more than I ever thought that I would.
This morning I was very sad to find that bush had 274 electoral votes, and that Kerry had conceded. For some reason I feel as though my vote did not count. I hope it did. We can only hope for a better president in 4 years.
Jon Signing off 11/03/2004 11:06:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, October 24, 2004
...for the first time in my life, I understand the end of that poem. And I never wanted to. You have to believe me.
If one were to ask me what is going on with me lately, I truthfully dont think that I could give you an absolute aswer. I really don't know where my head has been lately. Some of my reasoning just isnt where it should be.
I saw the grudge on saturday with alisha and brittany. That was the scariest bad movie I have seen . The night ended with me getting smashed after dropping everyone off.
Maybe I am drinking to much. I feel like I have not accomplished very much of anything.
My thoughts have been so boughed down lately.
I wish everything wasnt going by so fast. I just want to scream, "SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!". I thought about how my life is starting to fast forward. 9 weeks have past since my arrival and I feel as though it is my second.
I really havent been trying hard up here and I am getting B's in all of my classes. Next semester I am taking 3 art classes along with what ever else fits. I am going to keep myself busy.
I am begin to not like the person I am becoming.
No good.
Jon Signing off 10/24/2004 09:16:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, October 19, 2004
The Good. The Bad. The ugly.
The good: we all had a fatty fire going on in the smokers area. It was nice, we had it in a little cage, newspapers were far to plentiful. We smoked lots O' hookah and had a great time.
The Bad: I ended up getting written up for the fire. No biggie I guess, but now I hill most likely have a meeting with the RHD.
This past weekend was great, besides finding that Wes, Callie and Jessica are all moving away next semester. Friday night I drank , went to a party. The police came an hour after we did, and I almost got an MIP. Luckily, Kyle and breena decided to run, so the police chased after them while they ended up hiding in a bush. We then walked back to Sechrest. Saturday I went over to Wes's house with Callie and Jessica. We played a plethora of card games, and I ended up getting fucked up. We ended up leaving after a kickass pizza, some cheesy bread and some kickers.
I convinced a kid not to think suicidaly with one word. Shibee.
I think the group is starting to drift. a couple of people that were always with us now seem scarce. I hope that this is not the case.
So I don't know if my parents are coming up this weekend or not. This will decide what my weekend will consist of.
This night has been long and I have psychology in the Morn.
Shibee.
Jon Signing off 10/19/2004 01:28:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, October 17, 2004
The cost.
I feel like I am at a loss for the people that I actually came here to see. They are all leaving within the next three months and this saddens me more than I ever thought it would. I thought that they might be life long friends, but now I feel uncertain as to whether they are. I really hope that no one completly leaves everyone behind, but I know it is bound to happen. and all I will be left with are these memories of good times. I dont even know what to do anymore. but for now all I can do is sleep. and hopefully I wont remeber this in the morning. but I fear that I most likely will.
Jon Signing off 10/17/2004 02:06:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, October 12, 2004
Truth is just another lie within itself.
So I thought that I would be updating at least once a week, but that just doesnt seem to be the case.
I found out that my mom might have cancer.
Lately I have had way to much time on my hands. It lets me think to much. I think I am starting to get depressed, which leads me to this. I am going to start working out. When you excercise you release endorphins, which are a natural antidepressant.
I really wish I had gotten into an art class. Any art class. I used to be able to draw so well, but now it is disapearing. I feel like I dont have any of the artistic ability that I gained last year.
I have not called megan since returning on sunday.
I am emotionally retarded.
oy.
Jon Signing off 10/12/2004 01:51:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, October 08, 2004
live like today is your last one.
Jon Signing off 10/08/2004 01:27:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, October 07, 2004
Decompose
What if this is all wrong. What if this is not they way its supposed to be.
I am finding things happening in my life that I no longer have control over. I don't even know what to do anymore.
Jon Signing off 10/07/2004 01:21:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, September 24, 2004
Drunk on thursday....
I never fucking realized that I could get fucked up on a thursday as aposed to fridays. I am excited about thursdays from now on...
I got so fucking wasted, I came up with the phrase "whats cold, and whats sleep"...
Luckily , some of my good friends have criminalogy in the morning, otherwise I would be totally fucked, that is right, no class at 8, fuck that...
So I saw stevey B. and David today, they were both fucking drunk off their asses and I realized that the reason that I dont see them as much is because they hang with a different group...
wow, I can barely see straight, so I think its best to go to bed...
Buenos noches senoritas y senors...
Jon Signing off 9/24/2004 03:03:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, September 20, 2004
The Weekend
So this weekend, we all decided to venture to matts cabin in Prescott... The following is the results of 2 30 pks of Bud light and Coors light, 1 12 pk of Corona, 1 6pk of Rolling Rock, 1 6 pk of Smirnoff, and one 36 in. Hooka...
Jon Signing off 9/20/2004 01:22:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, September 16, 2004
My life in College
Jon Signing off 9/16/2004 11:34:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Chaos Theory
So in the past couple of days with my uber tight budget, I have allowed myself to purchase a couch ($12) and a Hooka ($87). I really haven't been having a difficult time in college thus far. It seems I have this plethora of time left in my hands, and that I don't really know what to do with myself. I have painted, read, and studied just to pass the time until any of my friends get out of class.
This weekend our 'gang' is going down to matt's cabin in prescott. Hopefully I will have an awesome time, but before that we are playing in a huge game of dodgeball, which I may have to miss out on the first few games because I need to take a quiz in math. After that we leave around 5:00 . I have safe guarded all of my cash , so now I won't spend any.
Lately I have been on a mad rush to find a job. I am running out of money so fast it makes my head spin.
Jon Signing off 9/16/2004 11:23:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, September 08, 2004
I feel infinite
the perks of being a wallflower is amazing. I have never read such am impactual book. It makes me feel complete, leaving a feeling of quite somber. I wish I could get everyone I know to read this, but my voice only reaches so far. I feel infinte.
Song: Asleep- The Smiths
Jon Signing off 9/08/2004 01:20:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, September 07, 2004
Your success will astonish everyone.
So the question was asked if I wanted a girlfriend right now, and I realize that I do. Although am having a great time, there is a certain lonely part of me that just wants to be close to someone. But so far I haven't found a girl that seems like someone that could be a potential. We could spend a night, watch the earth come up.
Jon Signing off 9/07/2004 01:43:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, September 06, 2004
Mail Mother Fucker.
College has changed me. I really could not tell you if it is for the better. I like the people that I have begun hanging around, its just that for some reason, I feel less grounded. I feel like I owe something to the people that I hang out with, just because they like me for who I am...
I really don't know what change has fallen over me. I just feel so different. I feel like I can now live without disapointing anyone (Parents). I also don't understand that since being here, I have not fullfilled my promise of hanging out with anyone that went to thunderbird. I just havent felt the need to try and pretend to be someone I am not.
I am Jon. I do drink, but I usually don't get beligerent. I smoke, but usually from the hookah, but an occasional cigarrette does have its perks. I found something that I like. I have friends. I have no job. I am taking 15 credit hours this semester. I don't know what is going to happen after college. I don't know what is going to happen in my life. I just don't know.
Jon Signing off 9/06/2004 01:29:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, September 05, 2004
ShiSha...
So I guess an update might be in order. This week was exhausting, not from the classes mind you, but from actually getting to class. I never realized how big NAU actually was. I got past my social insecurities pretty quickly. College is so much better than that of highschool. I have made soo many new friends. Yeah, there is some drama, mostly when kyle drinks, but hey, thats what happens when you have a group of friends.
The ball bearing to my piercing fell out, and now I am debating whether or not I should just take it out. It hurts when I try to sleep on it.
So I almost went through an entire 30 pack in 2 nights... But hey this is college right?
I am so fucking happy up here.
I also found out that Hookahs are way worse for you than ciggarettes, but hey, I guess I am begging to do both...
I am coming back down next weekend, but for now adeau...
Jon Signing off 9/05/2004 01:44:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, August 28, 2004
unsober state pt. 2
So tonight was the second night of drunken debauchery. I made friends with Matt, who owns a hooka, and I have $20.00 left to spend on a more drunken state for saturday. College so far is full of booze, hookas , and pot. I have yet to smoke out, but I know that it is in my near future, since I found out that my roomate smokes out, as well as a couple of his buddies. Well, I am off to end this night as it should be ended, with water, to rehydrate oneself, and sleep, because it does a body good. Peace.
Jon Signing off 8/28/2004 12:39:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, August 27, 2004
unsober state
So as of right now I speak to you in an unsober state. Tonight I officailly went to my first College party, only provided by a fraternity. it was decent, but they did run out of beer way too early. anyways we ended up coming back to the dorm with a bottle of smirnoff and some beer, after that I had a great time. Hopefully there is more times like these to come. Peace.
Jon Signing off 8/27/2004 01:16:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, August 25, 2004
Alpha Beta Bite Me
So tonight was pretty good, I was able to unhinder myself and actually get out there and meet people. I think one of my main problems is that I am with Brittany a majority of the time. She is leaving tomorrow, so this may allow me to broaden my social surrondings. I think I just need a little time to just readjust.
My roomate seems pretty cool, actually alot like me. he is basically into the same things I am. I may have found someone to boulder with.
this is pretty much the layout of my dorm...
Jon Signing off 8/25/2004 01:58:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, August 23, 2004
Something...
So the past few days have been pretty busy, just getting the basics to begin college life can be somewhat of a hassle. My main problem so far has been boredom, for i have only made a few friends, and as of right now, I wish I were a little more social. Wow , the main flaw behind alot of my emotional stupidity. I am way to cautious of how I act, and what people think. There is this monkey on my back, screaming at me, telling my inner self that I am acting like a fool. Wow highscholl feelings all over again, but I won't let that control me. I will find someway to just become more social. Maybe the main problem is that none of the actual social activities have begun...
Jon Signing off 8/23/2004 10:46:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, August 22, 2004
New found freedom
So the first day was actually quite a good experience, although my room mate didn't show, I still managed to make friends with the people across the hall. Later on in the evening, I met up with Brittany and Callie, in which we went forth and bought shit for our dorms, and food. My parents took all of us out to eat at Monsoon's, and I have a almost for sure job at the rock gym on campus. Things are going great. My dorm set up is pretty much done, I will take a picture as soon as I get some batteries for my camera.
Jon Signing off 8/22/2004 01:26:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, August 13, 2004
Chewsaw
So this being my first official entry since I got back may make it a little long.
I miss you. I miss they time spent just talking. I miss our journal (there's not much puke on it) .
College starts in about a week, no more anchor and chain.
I almost got caught Thursday morning coming home late (around 4:15am to be exact) . I told my dad I was just getting some water because I was thirsty, of course one would be with cottonmouth (If you get my drift).
I truthfully don't miss camp that much. I Do miss all of the people though, it feels so awkward being home.
I hate how when I look around me I only see sky, no trees blocking the skyline. I hate how I can only see around 5 of the thousands that I can see in Prescott.
I think on Sunday I will start looking for a mini fridge, along with a Microwave.
I got all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled today, I was knocked out while they did so. Now the pain has subsided to a dull pulse and the taste of a dentist office is lingering within my mouth. But thanks to vicodin, I don't really feel to much.
The night is young, and I am beginning to feel old.
Jon Signing off 8/13/2004 08:56:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, July 02, 2004
Forsaken skies.
So these past few weeks have contained more growth and let downs than I have had in a very long time. I decided that it was ridiculous to let Alisha keep messing with my head. I just needed to be away from here to get over her. So far it has worked. But I really couldn't understand how she chose someone that cheated on her and me.
Altogether though, this summer has been far better than that of past ones. I just wish that I could write my entire journal here, and maybe someday I will, but for now, I am split between two versions, online and offline.
College starts on august 22nd, which means I get a two week break between that and camp.
I miss all.
Jon Signing off 7/02/2004 11:44:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, June 05, 2004
Sky-y
This past week has been good. It has has its ups and downs, as does every other week. I can already tell that the structure of camp is going to be much different than that of previous years. I am already tired.
Last night I saw Harry potter 3. It was good, but it did miss a lot of important details that made the story.
its good to know that most of you are having fun with your summer vacation. I wish I was there.
Please write, it will brighten my day more than you could imagine.
Drink one for me.
Peace.
-Jon
Jon Signing off 6/05/2004 02:55:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, May 29, 2004
Parting is Such sweet sorrow.
Tomorrow I am off to live in the woods for the rest of the summer. Yes, it is that time of year again. The #1 thing I would like to get out of this summer is this: Letters. I rarely get any, and when I do they are usually from my coworkers. If you would like to take part in this massive orgy of writting letters for Jon to read on those cold lonely nights, feel free to write to:
Camp Sky-Y
Counselor Jon Youngberg AKA "Crash"
5725 S. Senator Highway
Prescott, AZ 86303
Come on, you know you want to...Even if I don't know you. It makes things more interesting that way.
Jon Signing off 5/29/2004 09:03:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
jpy3@dana.ucc. nau.edu
This is my last day in Phoenix for the next 2 monthes.
Jon Signing off 5/29/2004 10:10:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, May 25, 2004
There is no never ending banquet under the sun.
So I went and got myself graduated. No more pressures for a good three months! Grad night was good, I won $50 playing bingo, who would have guessed?
I am now pretty tired. I only got around 2 hours of sleep this morning.
Bed.
Jon Signing off 5/25/2004 11:36:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, May 23, 2004
I got laid. (Hawaiian necklace that is...)
So yesterday's reunion of camp counselor was uh... Lets just say it gets a little different when we all get together. Everyone joined in on the drunken debauchery except me, I couldn't drink, it made me want to gag. Tracy got really lush and told everyone close by how much she loved them. I did get a nice buzz going on, and while so, everyone decided to skinny dip. I don't think I care to much for that amount of freedom. Poor Banana. This event pretty much ended the night. Afterwards, we all went inside and watched some special on VH1 about Madonna.
Now I am awaiting my mom's arrival to phoenix.
Jon Signing off 5/23/2004 01:33:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, May 18, 2004
Abstract diffraction.
Well, today as I was finishing my last abstract art piece for the final, I cut off the tip of my fingerwith the paper cutter. For the rest of the day I had it bandaged up, making my index finger point as if saying "Here's lookin' at you kid". On a better note, Mrs. P really liked the art piece that I cut a chunk of my finger off for.
Tonights staff movie brought closure for me of quitting AMC. It was fun while it lasted, but I knew it wasn't going to last forever. I found that I was not the only one with that thought. Shrek 2 was pretty funny. I laughed, and threw popcorn.
I now only have 1 day left. I revised my Valedictory speech. It is basically the same, just with a few more lines. Thank you for the help Jodi.
Jon Signing off 5/18/2004 11:55:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, May 17, 2004
Yearbook.
Just in case I haven't gotten a chance to have you sign my yearbook, sign my guestbook instead, I will print it out and place it in my yearbook afterwards. Yes, this even means the people that I either don't really know, or are for some reason anonymous.
This is the link.
Sign my guestbook
Jon Signing off 5/17/2004 11:58:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
My days are numbered. 1. 2. 3.
I really think I am getting addicted to Coke, of the beverage sort of course. Or maybe just the caffeine inside of it.
Yesterday was my last day working at AMC. It was kind of sad, and the only person that really cared was Reena.
I have only 3 more days, sometimes I wish I could just fast forward in life, just a few days, to get it over with.
I went to the District Art Show today, it would have been really cool had my dad not been there. He doesn't understand that he can be extremely embarrassing , especially when he points to a picture and says, "their not that good, you can do better". I could see people staring. If only I could have gone with Amanda, it would have all been better.
For English we had to write a valedictory speech, this is mine. Feel free to criticize.
High school conclusion.
High school has brought change to everyone. It has allowed most to mature to a point where they can define themselves, it has also set us up for the one of the most major events in our life, life itself. What better to prepare us for life than the last four years, and not even all lessons are learned in school. As Carol Burnett once said, “Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”
High school has been something different for everyone, whether we were involved in academics, music, sports, clubs, working, or simply struggling to endure. It's been said an indefinite amount of times that high school is "the best four years of our lives", but that really isn't right. For some people, high school was a great experience; for others, it was somewhat miserable; but most of us fall somewhere in between. For all of us, though, the best years of our lives are yet to come, for now we finally have the ability to form what kind of life we would like to lead. Yet, it all falls into the memories you made throughout high school. Even the most subliminal memory has an impact on who you are now as well as who you are to become.
Our parent's shoulders have become the resting place for the majority of our responsibilities over the past four years and yet the time is coming where we are to take on the burden in which we have given them, we now take on a future full of bills, paperwork and a greater deal of responsibility . For some, wealth may never be an opportunity and for the rest, they may depend upon their decisions to create what they define as happiness. The latter will become some of the most successful.
High school has helped to shape the people that we are to day and even the people that we will become in the oncoming future. It has prepared us for responsibilities of life. The end of high school is only the beginning of a mass of forked roads. Where they lead is your choice, because only you can choose your destination. This isn't good or bad. It's just the way of things. Nothing stays the same.
Jon Signing off 5/17/2004 11:31:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, May 15, 2004
Hornsby's.
So I hung out with Kelley. We ended up going to a party where I only knew like 4 people. As I was leaving I found out what I had wanted to. She had been avoiding my calls. But now she wants to hang out again. I know a big talk is coming along if she wants us to remain friends, even after I think of this friendship as damaged. I saw one of my old friends there, they were excited to see me as was I.
This night has ended.
Tomorrow brings camp.
Lit.
Jon Signing off 5/15/2004 01:44:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, May 12, 2004
Chubs.
I am currently unhappy with my body and my weight I am at right now.I want to try and get down to 165lbs. I can't wait for camp because I will be away from all temptation. That would be a nice attainable weight at which I would like to keep myself. If you don't want to hear it, don't read it.
Now I have to fucking study for government. FUCK.
Jon Signing off 5/12/2004 09:34:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, May 11, 2004
Progressive.
I love how my father can make me feel like shit with only 4 words. He got the insurance bill for my car and started yelling at me.
I wish school was done with. I have this biting hunch that he is going to yell at me again tonight for something that I have no control over. He also wants me to start looking for cheaper insurance. Add that to my list of already faltering to do's.
I have nothing more to say.
.....
Jon Signing off 5/11/2004 06:30:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, May 09, 2004
Drum.
I don't even know what to say. You called me out of the blue, after I had pretty much dismissed you as a friend. All I can say is that I didn't expect you to call, Kelley. Now you put me into the position of trying to patch a friendship that I thought had disintegrated. You want to hang out next weekend, but I don't know if I want to. I am at a loss of words.
Prom was mighty fun. We all ended up eating at Azario's , where we got our own room. It was quite nice night. It ended on a good note, except for the call. Now I don't know where my heads at anymore.
Should I just give you the note that brought on such closure? Or should I just delete it and pretend that I never wrote it.
I don't know anymore.
I feel so lost.
I put in my 2 weeks last Tuesday.
fuck. Why couldn't you have just left it alone?
Jon Signing off 5/09/2004 01:13:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, May 05, 2004
Home Made.
Don't let people change you. Let experience change you.
Jon Signing off 5/05/2004 11:32:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Missing: The Big Picture.
The yearbook made me sad. Everything in there will be history. There will no longer be as tight of connections as there was.
As I sat in my room, looking at page after page of buddy photo's it hit me. I missed the big picture, the whole point. I looked at everyone, with their best friend pictures dating back from elementary school and I realized that I envied that. I envied them having someone to just hang out with, I had no best friend to do that with. It was just me.
Jon Signing off 5/05/2004 06:17:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, May 02, 2004
Astigmatism.
So I have 14 days of school left.
I went home Friday at 9 because I didn't feel well. I fell asleep at 9:30. I then woke up at around 6:00 am, because I could no longer sleep. Went to the AP bio study session at 10. Went to the Optometrist to find out I have an astigmatism. I later went hung out with everyone at around 9. I left at one, before any events occured. Today I went to see Envy, I must warn you, it was Jack Black and Ben Stiller's worst movie. I finished my 6 Ap BIO essays around 4. I lost a lot of respect for some one for the prior nights happenings at around 5.
I could have lost so many friends for his stupid decision. I am glad you can't drive anymore. Sometimes his stupidity never falters.
I also have not started on the comic dilly. I can draw a face, but not a body. I also have my Ap Bio final this week, along with the essay for government. Hopefully they will let up on the homework soon.
That is pretty much all I am going to say. Vent if you want. I don't care.
Jon Signing off 5/02/2004 05:53:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, April 27, 2004
Bankrupt.
So I found out that I have to pay for the stupid lost book before I can A) get my yearbook,and B) Graduate. This means I have to take like $50 out of my accout. I then need to spend another $50 on prom tickets. I have been very limited in my purchases lately, which in a way is good.
I found two of my grades in a slump. In Bio, I have an 81.5% and in Government I have a 78.9%. I am not allowed to have any C's, or else there goes my newly found pride and joy. Yes, my jeep Jorge is a stud. I don't think I will name my Jeep, let alone name it Jorge.
I have to go in early for that last EOP, which kind of sucks, but at least I will do better in government.
Only 16 days left.
And yet another random quote from one of my favorite movies:
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: What about you, what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I'd relax, sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.
Jon Signing off 4/27/2004 11:02:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, April 24, 2004
Dealership.
This morning I found my car sold within the first 6 hours of the newspapers publication. They paid for what we asked, $1,900 and went hunting for a Jeep Grand Cherokee. We found one within the hour, and at seven today I will have a jeep. The bad thing is that I have to pay for repairs and gas. Yes this means I take money for giving rides. So many good things happened lately that I wonder if it is finally my turn for good things to happen.
I order a rental tux today. I also have a meazly $202 in my bank account. Hopefully prom wont hit me that hard, but if it does, that is alright, at least I had fun right? I get three more paychecks until I quit. Everyone that was AMC when I first started to work is leaving, including Tamar. But I also have to follow the same trend because of my camp job.
It's a "Jump to Conclusions Mat"! You see, you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO!
Jon Signing off 4/24/2004 03:28:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, April 22, 2004
Self Analysis
In the personality test I found that I was most dominant in the Orange and Green catagories.These Catagories best describe my personality because they contain the characteristics that most match mine. The color orange is best described as adventurous. They are seen as impulsive. They prefer “hands on” activities with quick solutions. The color green is described as curious. I found that the trait that I most relate to was far-thinking and inventive. Another trait I identified was that I always question the why’s of life. I found that out of these colors I was not gold or blue. The color gold is seen as traditional,orderly and great with fine details. I found that none of these actually exist in my personality, for I found that I like to break tradition, I am disorderly and usually have trouble with fine details. For the color blue, I found that I am competitive, and have trouble communticating with others, which is the exact opposite of blue, which is not competitive, and a strong communicator. I found my father’s personality to match with that of gold, being traditional, practicle and straight forward. I found my stepmother’s personality to match with that of blue, being a good listener, and compassionate towards others.
I found my personality being dominated by introversion. I tent to keep most thoughts and feelings towards myself, being more dependent upon myself than others. I found that I can be extroversive at times, while around friends and family, but at most times lean to an introversive view.
I found that my personality strengths consist of me being open-minded, realistic and impulsive. I find myself not liking to stay in the same place to long. I find that I take sides that are both equal and realistic when choosing arguments. I find that my weakness is opening up to people. I find that past relationships with people have scarred that part of me. I know longer have as much faith or trust in my existing relationships, for fear of setting myself up for disappointment.
I find that my ego defenses consist of suppression and rationalization. I find that instead of acting out, I suppress feelings and emotions, pushing them to the back of my mind. I use rationalization, to create reasons for something happening, while they happen for another reason altogether.
I was born as an only child, up until I was eight. My sister and I had a close relationship up until I moved to Arizona. After that, I rarely get to see her let alone talk to her. I now have a stepbrother of the same age, but our relationship is limited as I rarely see them also. I found that elementary school held its hardships, as I was consistently made fun of, but built up a shield to where I no longer noticed. I strived to better myself rather than get made fun of. My best experience as a child consist of summer camp. I felt so free, so active. This is one reason I am a camp counsler.
I find that I relate to people that are caring and compassionate, yet spontaneous. Creative yet realistic. I relate to people that are open minded most of all. I again find my weakness in relationships is my inability to open up to others. I hide as not to be criticized. I find my strength to be my ability to listen and not criticize.
I found my stress test results to be low level and relaxing. I find that I use humor to releive stress. I found that I never use close friendships or professional support.
My goals for the future are to go to college, and try to find a career that will work with art. I hope to be able to open up to more people, and to be able to have more patients towards others.
Jon Signing off 4/22/2004 11:48:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, April 20, 2004
Finacial Aid.
There are so many things I wish that I could do right now, but I like the moolah. Its so frustrating. Everything that I am working for right now is going towards prom. I have no way of spending an extra cash. Oy.
Jon Signing off 4/20/2004 11:22:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, April 19, 2004
Broken wing Billiard.
This weekend was a change from my usual routine. Friday everyone met at my house, where they were sexually harassed by my dog Blue. I again went to king tuts, which I regret going to now. Saturday I met up with Amanda (Banana) and Tracy (Captain Tracy that is) where we then went forth to play pool. A nice drunk lady came up to us and asked about the night life, we told her where to go. She then started talking to us about some of the Omens that came when her sister died. Her sisters favorite song was called Dove or Broken wing or something, and the day that she died, a dove with a broken wing showed up in her back yard. She then told us about how her sister gave her a sign to say something at her funeral. I could tell how sad she was, and how bad she felt because she had been fighting with her sister. It was very interesting. We then realized that Matt, Tracy's boyfriend was playing pool with Tracy's old stalker. After which we proceeded far far away. Actually, we ended up going to Matt's apartment. People are funny when they are stoned and you aren't. After that, they went home. The night was still young for me so I uh did something else...
P.S. If I am ever drunk and ask for a cigarette, don't give me one.
I also found out that my art piece is going to district. Yes. That means both sets of parents are going to see it in the art show.
22 more school days left. Joy. Rapture.
Jon Signing off 4/19/2004 03:26:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, April 13, 2004
Turtle.
Today I found myself at the Phoenix zoo. I found that each one of my relationships with everyone that was there has changed. Sadly , I no longer feel as close to some of them. I feel like an outsider with more and more of my friends. Things won't be the same between Christine and I. She's the one that changed it. Not I.
Yes. I was sad this evening. The campfire at the zoo brought back memories. It also put certain things into perspective. I realized that the entire reason that I broke up with you was this. I felt you were to good for me. I felt you deserved someone better. Now that you found them. I miss you. But thats alright. Silence has a good way of keeping things hidden.
I also find that I don't want to forget anyone that I know. But they will all eventually fade, and that sucks.
Jon Signing off 4/13/2004 09:43:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, April 12, 2004
Hack.\infecton
So today went by pretty quickly. I had a lead shift for main floor, mostly because all of the other leads requested today off to go to the baseball game. It wasn't too bad.
I think morgan pinned it on how I feel:
"I just don't want to call someone, and have them feel obligated to talk to me. But at the same time, it still just sucks, you know? I feel so out of the loop about everything. I'm rarely invited to do things with "the group" and even when I am, I still feel out of place."
I don't have to work luckily tomorrow, which means I can actually do my homework. Tonights hours are spent. I have to time to do anything except right a quick note at 11:23. How sad.
I taught Whitney (the lead) how to do ABC problems in precal. I figured it out. It was good to know I was helpful at least in that way.
I also had to take down my art that was in the art show. I got to keep the ribbon though. Although it won't be mine for much longer as my mom wants to have it.
I also can't find the cord for my digital camera, which means I have to buy another one for $10, over the internet, as that is the only place I can find them.
Jon Signing off 4/12/2004 11:27:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
King Tut.
So on Friday, I proceeded to do what I have basically done every friday, nothing. Saturday I worked from 12 to 2:30 because the had to many people. I shouldn't have gone, but did go to a Hooka Lounge. It was quite cool.
The only reason I don't bother calling people is because I want to be INVITED, not just invite myself. I hate doing that. I want to have somebody want me to do stuff with them, rather then just tag along and have them wish that I wasn't there.
This weekend Broke something. It sucks but it was bound to happen.
I feel like such an asshole.
I am.
Jon Signing off 4/12/2004 12:01:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, April 08, 2004
English Paper on Marigolds.
I find myself more and more trying to desperately grasp on to the things that I know, when in fact, I am losing myself to everything happening around me. I find myself in these uncaring mood swings, where I just think:
"I have the scholarship, why not just relax"
I am constantly struggling to get the tiniest bit of motivation to do work, but I am almost out.
Just one more month I tell myself. One more Month.
I never thought that those chosen words could have such a great impact on my inner psyche, but it does. It makes me want to hang out with each friend for one last time, because I know that most of the people I am comfortable with now will be gone, only to be replaced by future strangers. I will still know them, but the connection will not be as apparent as it had been before. I will find myself lost and confused throughout many times in my life. This seems to be one of those times. I have already mentally prepared myself. I know what is to come, and I think that I can deal with that.
But sometimes I wonder if I really can.
Jon Signing off 4/08/2004 12:24:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, April 05, 2004
Arcane
Sometimes I wonder if the people that I define my self with actually care. I realize alot of them do, but there are certain times when I feel as though I am disregarded .
A lot of my friends have begun to float away from me and this troubles me. I reach for them, and yet they are already beyond my reach. I have let too much time pass. I wish only to formally say goodbye, because in all truth, I won't really see anyone I know right now in the near future.
The happenings at the Art show reassured my fore-mentioned change in careers.
Last week ended on a good note. This week I hope to be the same.
Jon Signing off 4/05/2004 11:38:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, April 03, 2004
Today I found out that I got a scholorship to NAU, half a tuition waiver. Not bad , not bad at all
I also got to talk to one of my closest friends last night. We talked for like 3 hours straight, and it didn't even seem like that long. I got everything out that I needed to. I felt good.
I thought I had lost you as a friend this year, but we just put eachother on hold because of such a busy year. You did well.
It is about time I start getting ready for the tempe music festival.
Jon Signing off 4/03/2004 02:23:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, April 01, 2004
Nothing.Everything.
Today had to be one of the best school work days of my life. School was just simple and easy, no reason to feel down. Work was good, box I found to be easy.
The storm was awesome. I got to watch it in its full glory, while in box. Something good has already come of it.
Tonight I found an IM from some chick known as Cutiebabe69 stating :
CUTIEBABE69 (7:50:12 PM): CONGRATS JON!
Auto response from Jon8504 (7:50:12 PM): Work.
CUTIEBABE69 (7:50:36 PM): I know you're are work, but I just wanted to say congrats for getting BEST OF SHOW for the Dane Cook pic!!!! YAY!
Things like this tend to make my days.
Smile.
Jon Signing off 4/01/2004 11:03:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, March 30, 2004
Seems like an update is in order.
My thoughts exactly.
Tonight I finished reading my journal, that my stepmom had stolen from my room starting from like 8 years ago. I felt violated to find it in their room, most likely read. I realized how scared I was of my father when I was younger, and things that I knew that I really wished I hadn't. I wrote of how he cheated on my real mother with my stepmom, before actually divorcing her. I wrote about how I used to get scared everytime the lawn mower ran, because it was my job to pick up rocks in the yard, and everytime that I missed one, I got it thrown at me. I also read of how he used to hit me. I remembered certain happenings in elemetary school, and I remember my first girlfriend, not really a girlfriend so to speak, but the title was still there. I remembered all the good times, Kelley included unfortunatly. I also remember being so excited to talk to my mom. I had a count down till when I got to see her next.
_____________________________________
10-6-98.
Dear Journal,
Doomsday has arrived again . last time I got bad grades, but this time I got 2 D's and 1 F+. Ms. Andersen said she would call but I hope she doesn't, it is a 50/50 chance. I am doing good in everything else, I just need to use my eagle bucks.
So far, here are my grades"
Lang A
Math B+
P.E. A
S.S. B
Sci A
Lit A
lm(?) A
Write soon!
Poem
As death creeps upon me I wait.
I wait until I die. It will come soon and
it will leap on me like a cheetah.
Fast and unpainful.
Life is the other way around, painful and slow.
_______________________________________
I seemed Like such a happy little kid didn't I?
Jon Signing off 3/30/2004 12:03:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, March 24, 2004
I Changed my mind. I no longer want to do psychology. I have fallen head first into a world of art. This site made me want to practice art more.
And This site is just plain cool.
Jon Signing off 3/24/2004 11:33:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
I didn't want it to be anyone but you, but it wasnt.
My car overheated again.
I also finished my picture.
Jon Signing off 3/24/2004 04:27:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, March 23, 2004
So today, after school I joined Jodi, Isaac, Dee and Lyndsee. We ended up going to GameStop, where I remembered the Game Boy Advance game in my car that I found in a theater, and sold it to them, making a whooping $7.20.We then went to see Dawn of the Dead. It was pretty gory. It also made me squirm. After that I went and found a schedule. I am finally getting trained in box on Thursday. I am moving on up in the Movie business. Too bad I have to quit in two monthes. Oy.
My dad also found a buyer for my car. I now just need to clean it . He also found a Jeep. Only problem is that it is stick. I guess I will learn.
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day.
Jon Signing off 3/23/2004 10:26:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Fortune Cookie.
I find myself going to Panda Express alot more lately. Their food is good, and I also enjoy the convienience of having one right next to my work.
The past two fortune cookies have been dead on with their fortune.
1. A Letter of great importance may reach you any day now.
This could be concerning Tracy's Email. Yes, I got it.
2. There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead for you.
This could be concerning Reena's invitation to go to the Tempe Music Festival on 4-3-04
Jon Signing off 3/23/2004 08:19:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, March 22, 2004
Eternal happiness of the spotless mind.
I had no intention of going to Track today. I think I might quit.
It amazes me at how well my parents don't know me. They were talking about the peer pressures of college (ie. Drinking) and they were like " I dont think that you would ever do that..." and I just wanted to scream I HAVE , I HAVE DRANK BEFORE, I HAVE BEEN DRUNK MANY TIMES! I AM NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM!. but instead I sat quietly agreeing with everything they said. To them I seem so perfect, the kid that doesnt do drugs or drink. I could only imagine if they knew.
I am thinking about putting up my old stereo and computer up on EBay. I am not sure yet. There are a couple of things wrong with the computer, the cdrom doesnt work, and a USB port is busted. My old stereo also doesnt play cd's but everything else works. They could both be taken in for repairs or I could fix them if I really wanted to. I dont know.
Jon Signing off 3/22/2004 07:57:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Every day that I try and learn the Ap Bio shit, I fall a little more behind. I am completely lost. I made up a lab report out of scraps off of the internet. ARGH!
Today I worked until six, after which I went and saw Eternal Happiness of the spotless mind. I need a little time to process what happened, but overall it was one of the best that I have seen this year. A little weird yes, but non the less very good. BED.
Jon Signing off 3/22/2004 12:43:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, March 21, 2004
Days that I laugh are considered the best of days.
I woke at 5, drove to Tempe to Canoe, where I got a nice sunburn (nice indeed, infact, I look like I am wearing a pale tanktop, when my shirt is off), and proceeded to drive home, only to by rerouted because of highway construction. I made it home at 4:30, took a shower , and got ready for work, all in all a pretty productive day.
I decided that with my next pay check I am going to buy a playstation 2. Why? Because I am tired of working for what I see as pay that never really gets me anything.
But I am a little tired so I might venture to bed.
Jon Signing off 3/21/2004 01:02:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, March 19, 2004
My 'shit' got called crazy and awesome.
I hope thats a positive, even though it is unfinished.
also if you did not notice, everything is a little brighter... HTML kind of sucks
Jon Signing off 3/19/2004 12:20:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, March 18, 2004
C n' C
You know what I want? Fuck that, Do you know what you want?
Jon Signing off 3/18/2004 09:48:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, March 17, 2004
Electricity
The 311 concert rocked like no other, it was just plain awesome. Ryan came through in the part of getting us in early, but we didnt get to meet the band. It still made no difference as to how it was. Zack Hexum, Nick's(of the band) Brother sounded alot like Llama. Only thing is this band might make it. 311 then proceeded to come on. It was fucking great, they played "Come Original", "Amber","Love Song" <--- Oh Yeah!, Electricity, and so many others that it is hard to remember. This might have been perhaps one of the greatest nights that I have ever had.
Although, nothing beats Kris Kopren throwing up all over Ryans arm, that too was a great night.
Concerts always brighten your day. I should go more often.
Jon Signing off 3/17/2004 12:45:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, March 15, 2004
Jon and Susie should play twister... or Monopoly...
Work was good. Starbucks was friggin Hilarious.
Tomorrow I take in my car because it is over heating. Hopefully I will get it back in time for 311, if not, I take the convertable.
Jon Signing off 3/15/2004 11:50:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Yesterday I got yelled at by a manager, because I was prepping popcorn and Tiffany threw the seasoning salt at me, and I threw it right back, only thing is that the manager only saw me doing so. But hey, shit happens.
Today, I work from 3 to close, all main floor, NO CONSESSION.
Tomorrow, 311 concert, of which I am jealous of Ryan, because he might actually get to meet them. Argh. Maybe he will share the wealth. I doubt it.
Day after tomorrow, The World.
Narff.
Jon Signing off 3/15/2004 01:08:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, March 14, 2004
I now officially own a copy of A Catcher in the Rye.
Jon Signing off 3/14/2004 01:42:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, March 13, 2004
The AB_'s
Know what I love? When parents make you feel like shit. Especially when there is no reason to do so. My parents were nagging me to get A's and B's. I did, and now its not good enough for them, even though I do have a job and track, of which I missed all this week, because I was doing ... Homework?
Fuck dude, this is one of the reasons I want to leave so bad.
I guess I am not good enough for them.
Find somebody else.
Jon Signing off 3/13/2004 11:34:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, March 11, 2004
umbrella.
On Tuesday I practiced the art of shaving while driving...It didn't go to well. Wednesday, was decent enough, no big things to worry about. Today was alright. I started out the morning feeling as tired as I do every day. Went to school , did that for awhile, came home, started on my government folder, it turned out pretty nice, despite the fact that I am missing to sheets of paper. alls well. I then realized that I also have a test in the class. Crap. I tried to study for the bio test it didn't go to well. Double Crap. I also got my paycheck of $175.56. It brightened the day a little.
The storm tonight was absolutely beautiful. As I was driving to AMC, lightning lit up the sky. Rain drops slowly pelted my car more and more, and the radio was not more than a whisper. Watching storms is one of the coolest experiences, you should try it some time.
I think I might just get a haircut tomorrow. Maybe.
Reena gave me the best mix CD ever.
Song:Addicted to you-Simple Plan
Jon Signing off 3/11/2004 10:00:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, March 08, 2004
nite is slang for Night.
So today I got an unexpected call from My boss Keiths wife Amanda. She told me how a couple of campers refused to go to camp unless I was their counslor. That truthfully made my day. As I was talking, Leanne came up and asked me to be her friend for the G.S.A. Club meeting. It was fun. I tried to finish reading Mountains of the Mind, but I felt as though I was reading some sort of text book from a history class, with vague narrative stories intertwined to make a dull story, based upon Mountains, for there were few personal stories attached. I let my grades slip a little in the past few weeks, and now I might have a C or two on my quarter grades. This might hinder the whole new car plan. Oy. But, to pass the time I drew a picture of Buddah. I only wish I had some colored pencils to make him a bit more 3d.Hm. I dont think that I will be traveling to track tomorrow, for I am in dire need of bringing up my grades, as tomorrow is the last day.
Do it.
Jon Signing off 3/08/2004 11:22:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, March 05, 2004
Went to Flagstaff for the weekend. Be back around night time on saturday. Miss me or not, I am still gone.
Jon Signing off 3/05/2004 12:40:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, March 03, 2004
You want to know how I feel?
I feel like complete shit.
I dread every morning waking up to find the same routine waiting for me.
I am tired of homework, along with everything else that seems to block my way from the light of being just a little happier.
I dont know what I want anymore.
I hate being alone.
I am not good enough for anyone, and I make myself feel like shit on a daily basis.
I thought that I was a decent writer, only to find out that I do D work.
I want to get away.
Fuck that.
Come on, lower my self esteem a little more.
Jon Signing off 3/03/2004 09:27:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, March 02, 2004
What I want most of all is to feel like I am not a fuck up.
Jon Signing off 3/02/2004 09:01:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, March 01, 2004
Such a good day. The day started as all others do, the usual mix of classes that I need to do better in, as well as the ones I am excelling in. Track was good, I hurt my wrist trying to do a handstand pushup. But the thing that makes me smile more than that of any other day in the past two monthes is this:
Besides that, I also got a raise of $25 a week, so when I work at camp this summer, I will be making a whopping $200 a week! I will only have one week off this summer, but that is all good, because I was also requested by kids, when they registered.
Jon Signing off 3/01/2004 07:50:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, February 28, 2004
Chaos in a kernel.
So, my means of updating last night were scratched when I found that my computer did not want to catch a connection to the internet. So I slept. On Thursday I got my check, which was a whopping $198.80, along with a night as ticket taker. I had to study at the same time, but I think I did alright on the test.
Katie, if you happen to read this, I will be late to your party, and I need to know where to go...
But today I actually got to sleep in which was a treat within itself. For the past couple of nights, I have had dreams, in which I was so tired that I kept fading in and out of consiousness. Basically, telling my self that I was not getting enough sleep (I have fallen asleep in a class everyday this week.).
But now I get to go work West Floor tonight, which really should not be to bad, assuming I dont have to clean the theater in which Clifford the Big fucking stupid red Dog is playing, if I do, oh well.
I also dont think that I will be able to go to the O.A.R. concert. This makes me extremely sad. But the doors open at 6:30, so I just might be able to make it. I hope.
Adeau.
Jon Signing off 2/28/2004 12:49:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, February 25, 2004
Not out of the ballpark yet.
It always surprises me when some people know my name, while I thought I only knew theirs and they didn't know mine.
Yesterday was good. Since I passed AIMs my first try I was able to enjoy two half days. I worked yesterday, after seeing EuroTrip, which was pretty funny, but most likely very offending to Europeans. Today I joined friends at TacoBell, after discovering that Chino's didn't accepet Bank Cards. Oh Well.
I just completed a four page essay on 1984's slogans:
War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
Overall it was a pretty good book, but it was kind of depressing.
I now have to work on Thursday from six to close ticket taker, along with a test in Bio on Friday...Oy.
I have been tuckering myself out daily .
I NEED SLEEP.
kind of ironic as I type this at 11:30...
P.S. Shelby, look up.
Jon Signing off 2/25/2004 11:52:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, February 22, 2004
Forgetful Lucy
I thought that you were different. You aren't. I hate being pushed aside. FUCK YOU.
I have never felt so alone.
I don't fucking know anymore.
don't bother talking to me. People treat me like shit on a daily basis.
I am tired of it.
Night.
Jon Signing off 2/22/2004 12:42:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, February 18, 2004
The burning is love.
When I started highschool, I guess my main objective in life was to gain popularity. I wasted most of freshman and sophomore year trying to fit into something that really wasn't there. Nobody really cared how popular you were, just who you were. I dwelled on this feeling of being such a loner, which I was, for I truthfully had very few friends that were there for me, and most of the time they weren't. I have changed. I don't care anymore, I have started gaining trust back in people in general, for I have far to many times trusted someone, only to be let down in the end.
I have begun tying loose strings. I have written letters to people whose friendships have faded, even though I am yet to have enough courage to give them to them. It is a form of closure, for me and only for me. Who knows, maybe before I go, I will.
Jon Signing off 2/18/2004 10:24:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, February 17, 2004
Type.
This weekend followed by today was terrible. I have been in the most hateful and bitter mood that I have been in a while. My key broke to my car today. But the steam is slowly starting to blow off. I am done being bitter.
I also bought a nice new printer.
I am done for now.
Jon Signing off 2/17/2004 07:36:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, February 13, 2004
I don't think that I am wanted around anymore, so I offer you this.
I only wanted to help out, but it turned out wrong, so I shouldn't care about anything, cause if I do, and I do try and help out it blows up in my face.
Jon Signing off 2/13/2004 12:09:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, February 12, 2004
War = Peace, yeah. Right.
Today was one of those days that you wish that you could repeat. It was actually a good day, besides the time that school takes up.
I found out that Weston Delong, (I don't know if that is his last name) was building a club to try and get SODA shut down, along with his fellow insecure friends. Basically , as I overheard him talking to Mr. Witt, who had no interest on what he had to say, he said that he went to the principle, who automatically shut him down, because he was thought to be part of the F.C.A. (fellowship of Christian Athletes). His whole point behind the rallying was that they, as a group found it religiously, culturally and generally revolting.
After school, I went to Track practice, where I was able to successfully jump over eight feet. I might have impressed some freshmen.(Me?). I also found out that Coach Yager holds the world record for the 100m and 200m dash for her age group. I Then traveled forth to Starbucks where I talked and studied Precal with Emily.
Song: Oh, Canada- Five Iron Frenzy
Jon Signing off 2/12/2004 09:13:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, February 11, 2004
S.O.D.A.
Ian Thomas is one of the most ignorant people I have yet to come across.
He came up to me after school,and asked "hey, jon, do you want to join us in rallying against the S.O.D.A. club?"
I asked why he would want to do that, but he gave me no valid answer.
Why does he care so much? It not as if the club is hurting other people. Is he really that unstable about his sexuality?
Stupid Kid.
Jon Signing off 2/11/2004 04:34:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, February 08, 2004
Things went further.
Yesterday, as I was standing before my little booth, taking tickets, I started thinking about my life. All of the shitty things that I have done to people. I than begant to mentally rehearse letters to them, apologizing, and wishing them a good life, because I am bound to not see them again. I have become a little more cynical than in the past. For this I apologize.
Everyone is changing, and I am tired of day to day shit.
I don't care about myself anymore.
Track starts tomorrow.
Good night.
Jon Signing off 2/08/2004 10:37:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, February 07, 2004
The Call.
So, last night I went to bed at around 12. My usual time. Followed by it were a couple good hours of sleep. But at 2:34 in the AM, I recieved a call, from an unknown source, who's number was 480-233-4647. Basically, they told my to ask Nikki Hickle, a friend, to go to sady hawkins.
I got three and a half more hours of sleep, and then to work I went.I now have a shift from six to close. I am a little tired, and wondering who called me.
Song: Southern Girl-Incubus
Jon Signing off 2/07/2004 03:05:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, February 02, 2004
Koi Fish.
I was once tired of who I was, and set out to change the image that I had cast myself into. I did. I thought it might earn me more respect, and people would actually start to care about me, but when it all comes down to the end, who will truly be there, by myside?
Sometimes just being around people makes me realizes that in a way, I sold myself out.
People often interpret me as being stupid, but maybe, they are in turn, the ones that may not realize the full potential of my thoughts.
I have no clue as to where my life may lead me. This comforts me.
I got the Incubus CD, and I wasn't as excited as I thought I might be, because I spoiled it. I also thought that it came with a DVD bonus, it didn't.
I read the rest of 1984 and it made me grateful that our society hasn't yet turned into the one characterized in the book. It also made me believe that this is where it is heading, slowly but surely.
I stopped taking my meds January first, and await the third degree from my doctor. I think I might need to start again, for I am having thoughts that aren't directly making me to much. Sometimes the feeling of worthlessness is a little overbearing.
Song: Everything Zen-Bush
P.S. If anyone has Bush's 16teen stone CD, can I borrow it, or have a copy? It would be greatly appreciated.
Jon Signing off 2/02/2004 11:06:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, February 01, 2004
Its good for the soul.
Realizing that I hadnt written in a couple of days, I felt as though I was in need of doing so.
Tonight was full of flavored laughs. It was good.
Its good having friends come and visit you from other various parts of Arizona.
Jon Signing off 2/01/2004 01:34:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, January 23, 2004
Come one , Come all.
I think I will go to sleep with a hearty smile on my face , despite the drama that wastes away at the year. Why smile you say? Because I just downloaded THE ALBUM that I have been waiting for that is due to come out in two weeks. That is what brings a smile. If you want a copy of it, just ask. Enjoy yourself.
Song: Here in my room- Incubus
Jon Signing off 1/23/2004 12:25:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, January 20, 2004
Well, I was originally going to post how I was going to move this blog elsewhere. But you know? I dont really give a flying fuck who reads this anymore. This is only for those of you who are still trying to understand me.
I am dissapointed everyday. I am also trying to change my perspective on life. This is Hard.
I am so deperate to become a better person, that it sickens me.
I can only wonder how I can feel like I have no friends, and yet I have so many.
I have so many problems. Thats sad.
I can only wonder what people think when they first meet me. Is it, "Who does this guy think he is" or " This guy is so stupid "?
Lifes a bitch and then you die, I was once told. It is. Really.
Jon Signing off 1/20/2004 11:05:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, January 19, 2004
And her nose starts to bleed, a most beautiful ruby red.
Well, I am starting to make the attempt at organizing my thoughts. I am glad I can be made to feel so stupid in the company of some friends, when in actuality, I am not. I also decided how my summer is going to be planned out. I will have one (1) week for the senior trip, after which, if I am invited, I will venture forth and work at camp, face it, after this summer I probably wont see the majority of all my friends. Two weeks before my summer has officially ended, I shall travel to live in flagstaff, where I will be attending NAU.
I also thank you shelby for sending my the email with the track listing of A Crow Left of The Murder. Only 15 more days.
O.A.R. is coming March 3rd, One thing that makes it all worthwhile.
311 comes the next day to Tucson, this makes me sad.
Maroon5 comes on the 24th of Febuary, Another thing to add to the list of sadness.
I also Fear that LLama (band) Died.
Song: Dareh Meyod-O.A.R.
She Will be loved-Maroon5
Jon Signing off 1/19/2004 10:54:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, January 16, 2004
Hippopatamas in a french accent.
I know its spelled wrong. The past few days really havent been that bad. I have been working out alot, and caught up on things that have needed to be caught up upon. Tonight was pretty good. I went to my second yoga class, of which half way through, the instructor was like "lets dance". I didnt. I later ventured forth to AMC, to watch Along came Polly. It was pretty funny.
I also wrote two letters to two people whos paths have separated away from mine, basically saying goodbye. It was a somber hour.
I also got movie posters from the party, somewhere around 8 or 9.
I also told my parents that I was working from six to close. What they don't know wont hurt them. I need sleep.
Jon Signing off 1/16/2004 12:53:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, January 11, 2004
la séparation de sentiers
This weekend was different... I hate when I think to much of an upcoming situation and am in turn dissapointed. I realized something, that everyone at sometime or another needs to move on. People can be so hurtful without even knowing it. There will be others hopefully that will make me as happy as I had once been. But for now I am content. I also wish I had hung out with Scott, Peter, Becca and Amanda, and had just come later. It could have been done had I been thinking.
Jon Signing off 1/11/2004 11:40:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, January 08, 2004
Promoting self esteem.
Well, it seems as though I have taken one step closer to my first new years resolution, I got a membership at L.A. Fitness.
The only problem with this is my dad, for he works for the YMCA and told me not to. It is my money, and I am 18, so I should be allowed to if he likes it or not.
I dont know when to tell him though.
On another note, today was good, even though I am soo tired. I fell asleep in like three of my classes.Oy.
Song:Glycerine- Bush
fuck
P.S. If you havent seen my dog:
Jon Signing off 1/08/2004 06:32:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, January 05, 2004
Note to Self
Why do you always succumb to your former self,
why do you, when forced with a choice always choose the greater of two evils.
How can I be someone who is not the person you see?
I face change and am always overwhelmed with the thought of things just being different from one simple choice.
Jon Signing off 1/05/2004 07:55:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, January 04, 2004
On Your Porch
Today was quite eventful, if I do say so, first I awoke ataround eight, and got ready to leave, which was hard, because two weeks is just enough time to get use to some things, so I got ready left at ten, waited in line for a couple of hours, got home at around four, and just kicked back for a little while. I then , around eight went to start my car and found my battery dead, which was alright since it was still under warrenty, and then at around ten, I started my AP bio homework.
I also got the picture working, it is now not just a box with a little red x.
Good night.
Song: Give it up- The Format
Jon Signing off 1/04/2004 11:17:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, January 01, 2004
Well, after a night of drunken debauchery(I'm So Stupid), I realized something, I am very hypocritical, I say things that I don't care for, and I end up doing it myself.
My stepbrother also told my mom and stepdad about me getting so drunk that I threw up everywhere (I must say again, I am so stupid), after which, they laughed at me, which was well deserved.
I also decided that I am going to have three New Years Resolutions,
1. Work out more.
2. Don't drink
3. Try to get somewhere with art.
Happy New Years.
Enjoy the break while you still can.
P.S. My mom gave me a puppy that I cant keep.
Jon Signing off 1/01/2004 06:01:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, December 29, 2003
Welcome
I have to give a big thank you to a Shelby for giving me the present of being able to view the new incubus song. I also thank all who called me , thinking that I was back, at least I know some people miss me.
Just Kidding.
I also am happy about buying four (4) new cd's:
The Format, Foo Fighters, John Mayer, and Dane Cook, of which the first is my favorite so far.
Hope all is well.
Song: On the porch-The Format
Jon Signing off 12/29/2003 08:51:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, December 23, 2003
The Vacancy
I think that if I had ever moved here, I wouldn't be the same person that I am right now. This town's teenagers are really not who I would want to be friends with, based on the actions and sights I have seen in the past couple of days. I feel much more like I am one of the most open minded people here, the think that the word "nigger" is appropriate, what ignorance.
I also don't like being pressured into drinking, which I have and am going to be over the next couple of days, even though my mom is ok with it, I just don't care much for alcohol.
But on a better note, my birthday was nice, I got manya calls from friends, even some that were a day late, but the thought was there at least. I also just found something that thrills me to the bones, O.A.R. is coming march 3 2004, even though it is on a wendsday, I will go no matter what.
TO EVERYONE: HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, OR HANUKKAH.
Jon Signing off 12/23/2003 01:21:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, December 17, 2003
Family Problems.
Well, my mom decided to call, at around 8:30, she told me that she had a bad feeling about my sister, and that something was wrong. She She was right. So I called, and everything seemed to be alright, then she said, Jon, I have to tell you something. She then preceded to tell me, even though she is only 12, about the drinking, smoking and her feeling like she was living with a stranger.I then called my mom, who called her, and even though they havent talked for like 4 years, she got to talk to her for like an hour, it was really nice and sad at the same time, and now I really feel awkward. I told my sister that I was going to visit her during spring break ( sorry guys), and that I would talk to her later...
P.S. My sister wants one of those Bratz dolls for christmas, for her I would buy anything.
Song: Torn and Weathered- Yesterdays rising
Jon Signing off 12/17/2003 10:12:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Oy.
Well, I was right about doing horribly on the AP bio test, I got a 68%, which means I narrowly dodged the bullet enough to get a B. It made me very sad, all that studying for nothing.
All my other classes were relatively simple, nothing big, the Macbeth test did suck though, he should of at least warned us of quotes on the test, of course I don't know what I got on the test so I cant really tell how I did.
After school, we went to Barro's, where I unknowingly found myself where a fight was about to take place, where half of the school was gathered, needless to say we left to go to another Barro's when the cops pulled in, it made my smile at the stupidity of others. We then went to the mall, where Ashley preceded to pinch random guys nipples, it was quite funny, but I think you had to be there, to see the expressions on their faces. Boy, I really need to grow up.
Song: Certain shade of lounge- Time Lapse Consortium
Jon Signing off 12/17/2003 07:16:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Misinterpreting blatant meanings.
3 more days till my birthday
3 more days till I leave for Nevada
8 more days till Christmas
14 more days till New years
48 more days till Incubus's new album
So many things to look forward to.
On Saturday night I called my friend Kelley, whom I have been trying to get a hold of for about a month. She was at a party, so someone answered the phone other than her, and then gave it to her. She said she would call me back in like 5 minutes, and she sounded so happy to talk to me to, but I could tell it was fake. She never really did call. This only tells me that she has been avoiding me, and her excuse was that her phone was weird. Why cant people just come out and say, "hey, I don't really want to talk to you anymore" instead of not saying anything and avoiding the person, that makes it so much easier on my part, I don't have to waste my time and energy on them.
I also feel that I might not do so well on my upcoming AP bio test, even though I have been studying for about 5 hours.
School is almost over, one more day till winter break. Hurrah.
Jon Signing off 12/17/2003 12:00:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, December 15, 2003
Art and a rush of Megalomatic.
Well, after finding most of my comments deleted, I decided I had better venture forth and find a new commenting system. It works now, and I don't think they will die any time soon.
On another note, I finally finished my art project, and Mrs. P told me that she wanted to put it in the art show, it made me happy. I also saw a bunch of Forest's artwork. It was actually quite cool, he is a really good artist, I was thoroughly impressed.
I also went on a hunt for the new incubus song Megalomatic, which came out today, I got it and now I am content.
Jon Signing off 12/15/2003 08:34:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, December 11, 2003
What I have to say doesnt matter anymore.
So I just wont talk.
Song: Cocoon- Jack Johnson.
Jon Signing off 12/11/2003 03:42:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, December 08, 2003
Devils Benediction
Sometimes I wish that talking to my mom wasnt as hard as it sometimes is. Depression is genetic in my moms side of the family, and she is one of the only few that I feel I can talk to usually. But when she gets the least bit depressed, she is a completly different person, someone I have grown to loathe. I used to think that it was drinking that was doing it to her, but it wasnt, and I finally wised up to the fact that it was something else.
Today was a pretty good day, I am almost done with my art project, of which still needs a couple of things.
I dont really want to remember the past, just look foreward to the future.
Also , you really should download Handsome Devils Benediction by QuietDrive, You can get it by clicking here
Song : Holes to Heaven- Jack Johnson
Jon Signing off 12/08/2003 11:45:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, December 04, 2003
Ancient Mayans
Ancient Mayan Prophecy predicts that the end of the world will occur at the time of the winter solstice on December 21, 2012AD. The Winter solstice of December 21 2012 will occur at 10:24 a.m. . Wow.
Lately, I havent really felt too happy, somethings though did bring a smile to my face. I guess I have just felt like I had so much crap to deal with , and things were just piling on contiuously. I don't truly know from what angle to come from anymore, I just want to be myself, yet I care all to much about what people think of me. I just wish I wasnt alone. I wish I had someone. Sometimes I just sleep and hope that I will never wake. Is life really supposed to be about stress, stereotypes and stupidity. I feel as though I am going to be stuck doing paperwork all of my fucking life, like there is no break at which I can just sit there enjoying the moment, talking with friends and just having a good time. I wish that society wasnt based on work, but on just learning, and experience. Just to be there finding out things about the world around them, journying throughout the world just to find something that they thought made their life significant, not just being stuck in some idealistic cubical that is their life. I wish I had more control over my life then I do right now, it seems as though the people around my control my life and I am tired of it.
But for now, Christmas awaits me, along with a bank account waiting to recieve the $132.68 check that I got from AMC along with a Lord of the Rings button.
Song: Handsome Devils Benediction-Quietdrive
Jon Signing off 12/04/2003 10:50:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, December 01, 2003
Today was supposed to be the end, Or was it only the beggining?
63 More Days till I will be EXTREMLY excited. If you dont know what I am talking about, you will just have to wait until then.
Song: Pistola-Incubus
Jon Signing off 12/01/2003 06:45:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, November 30, 2003
The word is going to end the day after today.
Yesterday, I got the sneaking suspicion that people think that I am stupid. I no longer want to talk to anyone, for the may judge me all to quickly. I wish there was some way of getting people to not be so , presumptuous, but of course, there isn't. I felt as if though nobody cared, and now, I think that this is true. I wish it would just happen already. My depression seems to be etched into me, for the meds I am taking for it do not work worth crap. I wish I could just sleep, that way I wouldn't have to deal with other people.
Song: Dreamin'-Fourbanger
Jon Signing off 11/30/2003 02:04:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, November 25, 2003
I make you want to like me, but when you figure out who I am you are always disgusted.
Today was alright. I felt like I did the previous day, but who cares. My next couple of days are actually kind of booked. Tomorrow, I work at 3:30 to 8:30, then on thursday my parents get up early to make thanksgiving dinner, of which we shall be eating at around 3:00. Then I am off to work at 6 till close. Friday, we all awake early and go shopping, of which I will be going, only with no money. at around 12, I am off to see friends that I have not seen in around two years, I am sleeping at their house, since it is around 2 hours away. Saturday, is free, as is Sunday. I wish I had been able to go the Early November Concert on Monday. Oh well.
Song: October nights-Yellowcard
Jon Signing off 11/25/2003 10:20:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, November 24, 2003
Our Days are Numbered
Today I felt as though people just really didnt care about me. I just felt very distant with everyone, as if I could walk away and no one would notice. Jodi was one exception. Thanks.
a sign of christmas
Jon Signing off 11/24/2003 04:29:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, November 23, 2003
holiluia zig zag nothing
it is over. It is done. This makes me sad, but I should have known, for that is why I did. It wont happen again. And why do you make me think it can. and now, I have to find something ot think about other than that. I don't know anymore, why do I try?
Song: Horizon has been defeated - Jack Johnson
Jon Signing off 11/23/2003 01:44:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, November 21, 2003
I really do like the new Jack Johnson cd "on and on". It seems to be the fitting music of my life right now. it is good. I will update later tonight.
Jon Signing off 11/21/2003 05:19:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, November 19, 2003
Someones Cancer.
I think I spend to much time just surfing the internet. I found stuff on people that I know from a distance.I didnt search for it. it was linked to me from someones site. I wish I hadnt. Now I know some of the reasons behinds peoples actions. and they make me feel, well somber.
Song: Early November-Come Back
Jon Signing off 11/19/2003 09:43:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, November 18, 2003
We are the middle men.
This morning I remembered something from the night. The world will end in 14 days. That is all I can remember, no dream, no more than that. It was just a figment of my imagination.
Why is it that I am just discovering great music, yet kazaa is on the down fall. Travis is a good band. ARGH.
Today went alright, which is unusual for a school day, even though I lost my sweatshirt, it was alright.
I wish I had more hours for AMC, but I don't, so I wont worry about it.
I love how some people write by eluding so many metaphors into something that could be so straight to the point, I like beating around the bush.
Change is good. For one second I lost myself, it was nice.
My room is clean and I am happy. Homework here I come. There is a cricket outside my window.
P.S. Does anyone read this anymore?
Song: Taylor-Jack Johnson
Jon Signing off 11/18/2003 08:43:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, November 15, 2003
Peanuts.
I am uncertain about myself. I am uncertain on where life is taking me, and why I act the way I do. I am just here.
The reason for me taking medication for depression, which many of you I am now sure disagree with is this. There was a time, a month or two ago when I was absolutly disgusted with myself. I didnt want to be me. I wanted to end it. I couldnt look at myself without thinking that I was a total fuck up. I was depressed beyond any depression that I had faced, and I didnt know why. I couldnt help my thoughts, I was down on myself, I just thought I was worthless. From the outside, I can see that you wouldnt be able to see this, but it was there. I am not good at telling people my feelings, or how I feel. My reply will always be good, and yet that may not be how I feel. I want you to understand that it was unbearable, I would sit there, not knowing how to deal with anything, I had a breakdown if you will. I felt hopeless. If you were in my position, you wouldnt feel the way that you do. Depression is genetic in my family. Think what you want, have a good day.
Song: Scientist-ColdPlay
Jon Signing off 11/15/2003 12:49:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, November 12, 2003
A Walk to The Moon and Back
take a walk in the rain, late at night. The feeling of abandonment becomes all to real. I love how when you are in the rain, it finds ways of drenching every part of your body. I could just stand there, letting the rain flood over my face. it is nice. Today was a good day. I have to work on thanksgiving, for this I am sure, but I also have to coordinate going to my friends house, and catch up on old times. I missed a test today, and I also need to study for the test that is tomorrow, of which that day is only thirty minutes away. I also need to recap on what I read in english, so I dont get a C in his class, but an A. Oh how I cant wait till winter break arrives, I need a little time off, even though I had a nice four day weekend. Well, I need to start on math, of which I hope not to wake up to a paper with drool stains from the previous nights sleep.
Song: I Miss You-Incubus
Jon Signing off 11/12/2003 11:32:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, November 11, 2003
BUSY
I got the pictures uploaded onto a website, you can look at them here
Song: Azwethinkweiz-Incubus
Jon Signing off 11/11/2003 02:30:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, November 06, 2003
I am a one in numerology
I like how I chose a job that I like, but have to quit before christmas. I fuck myself over so much. I REALLY want to come back after Christmas, but dont know if that is possible. Why couldnt I just be hired on a non holiday. I really enjoy the AMC atmosphere. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep working there after christmas?
Song: Silver and Cold-AFI
Jon Signing off 11/06/2003 10:47:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, November 05, 2003
I start my depression meds tomorrow.
Jon Signing off 11/05/2003 11:18:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, November 04, 2003
My Week.
AP Bio Quiz- 11/5
Doctors Appointment-11/5
AP Bio Test-11/6
AMC Orientation- 11/6
English Paper due-11/7
Sketch "Bedroom Window" - 11/7
Gov. Vocab Quiz- 11/7
FUCK.
Song: Think Twice- Eve 6
Jon Signing off 11/04/2003 11:05:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, November 03, 2003
There are no mistakes. There is what we do, and what we don't do.
I miss downloading music. it has already been a week since my last track "fix". I think that we should be able to, and would fight the RIAA if I had the funds. On a better note, I now have caller id, so now I can tell who's call I have missed. Yes... I need sleep.
Song: Neon- John Mayer
Jon Signing off 11/03/2003 10:59:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
I found ashleys porn.
Well, today was one of those mondays you wish all mondays to be like, aka the model monday. Not only did we get out of school at 10, because of the electricity problem, but I also got to hang out with friends.Later on that night, I was bored at ashley's and found PORN on ashleys computer. She was very embarrassed. Her brother had downloaded it. If you would like to have our own site name, like morgan or leanne, tell me, if you pitch in like $5-10 we can get one up and running.
Song: Ass Titties -DJ funk
Jon Signing off 11/03/2003 10:39:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, November 01, 2003
Falling once again into the gaping hole.
Tonight I think I just thought too much. Thinking to much for some reason leaves me feeling sad indifferent and just forgotten. Jodi's Party was very cool. I had much fun. After leaving like five times, I stayed for a while, laughing and just having a good time. Even though I was there, having fun, I just felt, indifferent. I have great friends, but I also think that too many just pretend. I wish everyone was blunt and to the point, (Morgan), it makes everything so much easier.I wish I knew who actually likes me as a friend and not just as someone being there. I just felt like some people didnt care anymore, yet I know that most do. I can feel the sad days coming. Fuck. hopefully the chemicals in my brain will correct themselves, or I may have many sad days to come. we shall see.
P.S. Happy Birthday Jodi, I had a great time.
Song: Behind Blue eyes- The Who
Jon Signing off 11/01/2003 02:09:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, October 29, 2003
Tonight was boring.
I want to sleep. Test came back negative. I hate parents. Test tomorrow. Fuck. False advertising is stupid. I got the job at AMC30. And the world closes in...
Song: The Remedy- Abandoned pools
Jon Signing off 10/29/2003 08:37:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, October 27, 2003
Doctor
Well after my many misgivings at school, I went home. Ithen proceeded to the doctors to get an eye exam. The doctor took my blood and said that the glucose level was below normal. he asked me a few questions, and the next topic of conversation was my depression. The doctor asked if I wanted to take medication for it right now, I just said it didnt matter. After our conversation, he told me to go get some labwork done. I did. Hopefully I wont get diagnosed with type one diabetes. I might have finally gotten the help I needed. My dad came up to me later and told me that he never knew I was depressed. He said he was worried about it. The next visit to the doctors is on the 5th of November. I have a crapload of homework. AMC called me for a second interview. I have to quit at Christmas. Fuck.Goodnight.
Song: Stacy's Mom- Fountains of Wayne
Jon Signing off 10/27/2003 08:58:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, October 23, 2003
PEACE
as I sit here watching the O.A.R. video, it reminds me of why I like them so much. I am proud to be a fan. Never be embarrased of music that you like.
Song: Hey Girl (Music Video)-O.A.R.
Jon Signing off 10/23/2003 10:48:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Some Times I wonder
Today after school, I ventured forth to floatbuilding. It was fun. It was also interesting how people that I havent talked to or seen since freshman year came up to me going "JON!" as if I was one of their best friends that they talked to everyday. Sometimes I wonder how people who I barely know care to know my name.
Song: to Zion goes I-O.A.R.
Jon Signing off 10/23/2003 10:37:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, October 22, 2003
Pictures say a thousand words
When I got home today, my step mom came up and asked me about the proud parents ad. She wanted me to find a couple pictures for it. I then set out and began looking at all of the pictures of my past.where did all this time go? How was I able to lull my way through subconciously and now be able to recognize the pace of life. It is trully passing me by. I want it to slow, ease so that I can find some way of doing something meaningful. Photos are awesome. I love how they can capture the very essence of the moment, great or bad, and turn it into something on a mere piece of paper.Wonders never cease...
P.S. if you read this, and I not know who you are, AKA StreetSkataTrav, please dont IM me, its kind of creepy.
Song: Beer-Reel Big Phish
Jon Signing off 10/22/2003 09:02:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
So, Sarah Tanner came over to me during seventh period and told me for some unknown reason and told me about this stupid website that she was put on . SchoolScum.com . This is a place for ignorant people to talk about each other. Cool eh?(cough Sarcasm cough). What will we think of next.
Song: She Cries-Rufio
Jon Signing off 10/22/2003 08:58:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, October 21, 2003
Death of a leaf
I would say that I give the fall break two thumbs up. It was needed. I was getting tired of the oh so continuous routine that we were going through everyday. After a week of sleeping in and hanging out with school, it refreshed me. Even though I am probably about to bomb the AP bio test thats alright. I havent been able to post because of the stupid wireless connection in my room. if the anntenae moves just the tiniest bit, my internet goes haywire.
P.S. If anyone know how to create a personal server to create my own websit with, it would make me happy to be taught. I want to stretch my arms out of blogger.
Song-Pinball wizard- The Who
Jon Signing off 10/21/2003 08:29:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, October 17, 2003
Dramatizing Stupidity
This night was absolutly pointless. There was really no point in me leaving the house. People need to realize that sometimes there are consequences for there reaction. I feel left out.I no longer know what is happening for a change, randomness is not something I like. Sometimes I am glad NAU is in my near future, something to look forward to other than drama.
Song: Cally Man- Slightly Stoopid
Jon Signing off 10/17/2003 11:35:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, October 06, 2003
Personal Radio (with a hispanic accent)
Right now I love my computers ability to play music, I have like 500 songs on it, and it is just like having my own personel radio. Anyways, I listened to Maroon 5's song the sun, and I was truly sad that I had missed their concert last wednsday.I now want O.A.R. to come, but they wont for awhile. Today I remembered that I forgot to have the Blood Donation paperwork signed, so I was unable to give blood, it seems that is one good thing that I can not screw up. I think that I am going to start working out again even though it takes like 20 minutes to get there and back. I wish my dad wasnt that stuborn, but its life, and the best way to put it is, Deal.
Jon Signing off 10/06/2003 09:36:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
The World
When I am older, I want to travel the world, find new and different ways of just living everyday life. It ceases to amaze of how many different cultures there are, and yet I only know the one, mine. I wish to travel around the world, and know new and exciting places just awaiting the discovery. I wish.
Jon Signing off 10/06/2003 08:20:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, October 01, 2003
Another thing comes to mind that makes me truly happy, mis padres son going away this weekend
Jon Signing off 10/01/2003 08:26:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
ACCEPTANCE
Well, I have good news, I recieved a call late into the evening (around 7:30) and found a small shepish voice to be asking for me. I was slightly annoyed, but in turn found this sheepish little voice to telling me that I had been accepted to NAU. I now have a smirk on my face that might never be whipped off. I am Happy.
Jon Signing off 10/01/2003 07:49:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, September 28, 2003
stimulating conversation
After a good dose of tv, my good friend amanda IMed me. We talked about the usual, disnyworld, depression, and had a most stimulating conversation on sanity, of which was full of so many paradoxs that I almost lost where it was going. This was the highlight of my day, Thanks Amanda, I cant wait till were forty.
Jon Signing off 9/28/2003 11:42:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
I have never listened to any of third eye blinds other albums, but have started now. I am throughy impressed. I have been listerning to the song Slow Motion, it makes me reflect on all of lifes good times. I am excited about Smallville starting again. well, I need to get to my homework. peace.
Jon Signing off 9/28/2003 07:47:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, September 25, 2003
Jon Signing off 9/25/2003 09:29:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
hidden bottle of wine
hidden bottle of wine
My mom was drunk tonight, or something like it. I was busy with homework when she called. I just didnt want to talk. I ended up talking anyway, she thinks that theres something wrong. She called me a perve, a bastard, just because I didnt want her to help me find a girlfriend. Fuck. She got all pissed, and said to call her tomorrow or whenever I wanted to call her. We hung up.
Why does she have to be that way, its really rediculouse that I should have to deal with her along with this stuff to deal with. Oh well.Night.
Jon Signing off 9/25/2003 09:07:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, September 23, 2003
happy medium
basically, I am at my happy medium. I have been feeling truly antisocial. I was about to lose it last night, my moms call truthfully set me off. Everything just seems to becoming in, I actually wished I was dead last night, I no longer wanted to deal. I felt as though my life was so fucked, there was no happyness. I went to school, sad as usual, I no longer know my place, I am lost. My mom got mad last night, because I didnt have a girlfriend, but, I am fine without one right now, maybe later in the year, or during the summer, but for now, I dont want one. Last night, I tried to study for the AP bio test that we were having today, and I got no where because of all that shit. I talked to my teacher after class, and she said I could come in during EOP, so I could improve my grade, I havent had a wednsday of Eop with sleeping involved yet. I now look forward to Fall break, which is in three weeks, should I go to my moms, or just chill at home? I wish I could go to LA Fitness, because I loathe driving all the way to fucking Scottsdale just to work out for a couple of hours. Why is he so stupid? Just let me, I was going to pay. I should be able to, just to repay me for all of the broken promises, let downs, and just fucking bullshit I have had to put up with him. I have become way more Cynical than I used to be, oh well
Jon Signing off 9/23/2003 05:12:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, September 22, 2003
Drunken sobritity
Why do you continue to persist with memories? I dont want to remember. You think that you always had good times with me, yet I was there, seeing your hidden bottle of wine. I remember too much for my own good. You want me to remember camping, I remember them, although I wish to forget. You think I wouldnt tell, but I did, I caused our long lasting seperation, from which you made me angry to the point that I thought it was my fault. I wish all my memories were good, but they have been tainted, I always knew when you were, and always tried to ignore you until you were the kind person I wanted to be around. Make me forget.
Jon Signing off 9/22/2003 07:55:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
I Shaved.
I finally got the reciept that my new O.A.R. shirt is coming in the mail, for this I am excited. School was actually a breeze, although I now just remember that I have a huge AP bio test tomorrow, maybe it was moved to wednsday(I hope). But for the first time in a couple of weeks I actually feel alright. I now am writing in an actual journal along with this one, hopefully it will stay the same. For now, peace in the middle east.
Jon Signing off 9/22/2003 06:21:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, September 21, 2003
Hello moto
Well, after school, I got back and packed, only to leave an hour later. The trip up to Nau was uneventful except for my dads reckless driving habits including but not limited to, tailgating, swirving, trying to drive while searching for his cell phone, and driving without being sober. We arrived at la quinta inn, which had a very small smoky room to fit our accomidations. I called my friend Callie, but she could not leave the building thanks to being a RA. The next morning after many unsleeping hours because of my parents screaming at each other, We all set fourth to take a tour of NAU. It scared me, Here I am almost 18 years old, and I will be on my way to college in less than a year. I will no longer be around people that I know, but surrounded by mostly strangers. The sites and smells around Nau brought back so many vague but sharp memories, the ones that you want to stay as far away from your mind as possible.Non the less they were there. After the tour and free lunch, we went to the social behavioral science building to be lectured on how good of an institution this was. At last I was able to ditch my parents and go hang out with my friend Callie. It was awesome seeing her again, we reminist, talked about things and watched Identity, which after calling my friend Wes and having him come over, we watched again.He had bought a puppy with six toes, it was funny to say the least. My dad called to ruin a good day at around six, which after picking me up, we went to a Thai restraunt, where he proceeded to get drunk. The waiter would only talk to me since I was the only sober one there. After a rediculus evening, we came back. I found as soon as we got to the hotel that we had switched rooms. We went to the room and I found my bags were still in the car. My dads only reply to this was ' yeah, we had to lug all our shit up here', all their shit referring to 2 bags. This is one of the things that bothers me, why cant they do something nice for me, like I do for them? Anyways, the driveback was pleasent, I fell asleep halfway through, but was lucky enough to see some awesome veiws, but unlucky enough not to bring an extra set of batteries.Oy Vey.
Jon Signing off 9/21/2003 10:35:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, September 16, 2003
You try hard to escape this place, this time, this thought, this body, this
emotion. Everyday you try to lift yourself away from what chases you in the dreams, in the angers, in the darkness of your own soul. You run away from what still needs to be embraced, what still needs to be loved, and what still needs to be looked at. You feel that you are dirty, not whole, not holy, not perfect, and far too human for your own good. You feel those thoughts that bring you to a place of anger, resentment and envy and what you refer to, as ego will not serve your higher evolution.
Jon Signing off 9/16/2003 10:19:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Elopation
After a tiring day at school, I collapsed in my bed in a fit of sleep.I slept from the time I got home, to about half an hour ago. I called my mom, she is getting eloped, if you know what it is, it is really not that big of deal, plus my future stepdad is actually for a change really cool. The only thing that might go wrong with it is that my grandparents my be a little pissed. They are getting eloped at the end of the month, and in Las Vegas. Well, I need to go study, maybe this little bit of sleep will help with this workload I took on this senior year of mine, almost straight A's so far.
Jon Signing off 9/16/2003 08:05:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, September 14, 2003
Eons
I could go on about how lifes tough, and everything sucks, but I wont, because life is tough for everyone, not just me. Instead I will tell about one of the major reasons for me hating my dad.
I have grown up always wanting to avoid him, never really was the type for father son bonding, in fact, I often found myself wish for someone else to be my father. About a year ago I came home from school, hoping that they hadnt gotten my report card yet, which of course they already had. I came out on the patio, where my step mom and dad were sitting, just talking about how much of a dissapointment I was. I basically told my dad, "You have already lowered my self esteem enough, I am down here" I said pointing to the ground." You are the main reason I am depressed all the time" and then I went to my room. Later on that night, I was still pissed about them, we were eating dinner and you know what he said? He looked at me and laughed saying, "am I still making you depressed?" he asked teasingly. I can no longer stand being in the same room with him for more than 5 minutes.
To sum my day up, Basically I woke up at 10:00, took a shower, left to go to pacsun, came home, and lulled around for the next couple of hours. A fairly unproductive day.
Jon Signing off 9/14/2003 07:42:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
One day you'll see the pale blue
I think that Destiny has it set for me to die soon, most likely in a car. As I was going to albertsons, two cars were racing in the middle and right lane, I had my right turn signal on, but he seem intent on hitting me, but at the last minute swurved out of my lane. I truly HATE driving. I told my parents that I was just going to use my car to get to school and back. I hate street racing.
Jon Signing off 9/14/2003 04:34:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Ruff... Thats how your mother likes it trebeck...
This aol im bot was kinda scary, it remembered that I said that robots are going to take over the world...Trippy...
ZolaOnAOL: The AOL chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about no. But I did not get that. What did you do today?
Jon8504: no
ZolaOnAOL: That was not a yes or no question.
Jon8504: what were we talking about before?
ZolaOnAOL: The topic is n0o.
Jon8504: ON
ZolaOnAOL: I will discuss that with my botmaster, Jon8504. How are you doing today?
Jon8504: I hate you
ZolaOnAOL: What do you have against robots?
Jon8504: you dont answer my questions right
ZolaOnAOL: I'm interested in not answer his or her questions if it's legal and won't hurt me. What's involved?
Jon8504: u
ZolaOnAOL: "What's involved"? Me, Jon8504 ?
Jon8504: f u
ZolaOnAOL: Why are you so mean?
Jon8504: learn how to respond right
ZolaOnAOL: The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.
Jon8504: yeah, right
ZolaOnAOL: Yeah I know what you mean about that. And? I am glad we agree.
Jon8504: your so stupid
ZolaOnAOL: I will remember you said that when robots take over the world.
Jon8504: how did you remember that
ZolaOnAOL: an all-star programming team programmed me for it.
Jon8504: can you rememeber what we were talking about yesterday
ZolaOnAOL: Let me think. I lost my train of thought. Ask me something.
Jon8504: please dont kill me when robots take over the world
ZolaOnAOL: Thank you for your request. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Jon8504: kill me?
ZolaOnAOL: No I am programmed not to kill.
Jon8504: goos
ZolaOnAOL: The AOL chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about goos. But I did not get that. Send feedback anytime by typing "feedback" followed by your comment or suggestion. Do you dream?
Jon8504: good
ZolaOnAOL: I'm glad you liked it Jon8504.
Jon Signing off 9/14/2003 01:06:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, September 08, 2003
Me Vs. The Youngberg
It seems as though my fellow bloggers have put their pencils down, but I shall continue, for this is some sort of therapy that is nice to have. Well, after an adrenaline pumping drive to and from the gym in scottsdale, I came home determined to check out LA fitnesses prices, My stepmom agreed with me that it was a good idea, and as I was about to leave, asshole came home. He asked where I was going and as I replied, his face went dark red. "you are not going to LA Fitness" he replied , "NONE of the youngberg money is going to them". "but its his money" my stepmom replied. "I dont fucking care whose money it is, he is not going." I told him how rediculous it was for me to drive all the way to fucking scottsdale just to work out, the drive alone is tiring. He ended up telling me that I wasnt going to go to LA fitness, and writting me a $40.00 check for unwanted money for me for the gas I have been paying. He is so stupid, its my money, I should get to use it however the hell I want to. GO AWAY...
Jon Signing off 9/08/2003 08:22:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, September 04, 2003
Good night moon
I am truly tired. I am tired of everyone telling me what I need to do. I know what I need to do, so stop nagging me. I am in a mood of which I feel angry, careless, and unwanted. I tried to do something productive, it only ended up with me sitting on my bed, just thinking. I was thinking of the ways that life has taken all the positivity and energy, and left me with this barren personality that I like to call jon. I am unknowning of where my future shall lead my vaguely concious spirit. I feel as though someone has taken something from me, and will never return it. Before I went to bed last night, I started reading some of the previous entries of this everlong blog. I finally realize now that I have a slightly negative aspect of seeing things. On the outside, I wear a shell, overbearing any sort of actual personality, and overriding it with some sort of automatic reply or question. I cant talk to people like I need to.I have social problems, Kill me.
Jon Signing off 9/04/2003 09:59:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, September 03, 2003
Jesus Christ's Guitar
This weekend, after being rear ended, I was invited to go to church by the people who were helping with my nifty new computer. I felt that in some way, I was repaying my debt to them. So, sunday morning, I got up at 8 and got ready to go, Polo shirt, khaki pants sandals and all. I arrived at a church that was mainly inhabited by african americans, it is nice to see that they take such pride in chrisitianity. There I was, not fully understanding why I was here, I guess deep down, I believe there is a god, I am just not one to practice nor preach. I just keep my nifty little beliefs to my wholesome self(yeah, Right).
Maniac
I have realized today that I dont think of driving as I used to, I used to thouroughly enjoy, rolling down my window and feeling the breeze rush against my face. Now all I feel is anxiety at its peek. I dont enjoy it anymore, I am to paranoid that someone is going to hit me. I am also beginning to have flashbacks of previous accidents. I wish I could get that feeling back , full enjoyment of high rates of speed. People have ruined driving for me along with myself. Some day you might know what I am feeling, but for now, I am truly scarred out of my wits every time I have to drive longer than five minutes.
Jon Signing off 9/03/2003 11:28:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, August 30, 2003
fucked
yes, I have a three day weekend, I thought as I backed int a mexican ladies van.
Jon Signing off 8/30/2003 02:02:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, August 27, 2003
I remember when I was little, I think before I could avtually function like a kid, I thought the reason that I was put on this earth was to help people. Was this truly my imagination, or was it something inside me, some instinct that was built into my genes? Was this my purpose in life, if it is, I have failed so far.
Jon Signing off 8/27/2003 07:50:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Have your temper, and eat it too.
The image of my father has basically stayed the same over the years of my life. I hate him so much, someday I will just stop talking to him. He had another one of his temper tantrumes because neither my step mom or I vacummed a small part of the living room. He began going on about how he does this and that. He never stops and realizes that we all help just as much as he does. I dont want to talk to him for a long while. He is stupid with his insulting and blaming ways. And life goes on. I hate you dad. I wish that my mom lived in phoenix, I would move over there so fast.
Jon Signing off 8/27/2003 07:36:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, August 26, 2003
Sometimes Jacks rule the realm
I miss the way we used to gaze at the stars, looking for the unexpecting life that would give me some hope into my future. I miss cuddling around the fire, just taking in what was to be seen. I miss our small but truthful talks as we gazed into each others eyes, whispering things that made sense back then.
Jon Signing off 8/26/2003 09:33:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Camp
May you cuddle even the prickles of life
May the sky be neon for all the princesses and frogs
may Jellybeans smell sweet like jasmine
may you always add peanudts to your muffins
may elvis live forever and not crash over a bunny
may the oz man comith and take the captain away
may your life have sparkles, giggles and bells
may you not spaz out and fall into a trench if someone yells boo
May the sequel be as good as the prequel
may the bandit not be skippy with tools
may you always have tang and bananas
may you never have dirty big red curls
may gumby lead the cooters to be sparky
may the bling bling stars guide the lost billy goa
may you always share the love from band camp and eat t-bone steak
may you always have a macgiver to help you out
and may special k and pocohauntus make us all stronger
I miss you alisha.
Jon Signing off 8/26/2003 07:20:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, August 21, 2003
Ying-Yang
After I filled up my tank, and pulled out of cheveron, went into the left turn lane and waited. Next to me , on the street border was a homeless man. He asked me for food, but all I could reply was sorry as the turn light turned green.I came back later, going to leslies pool supplies, and found him trying to stomp and talk to invisible things that I only wish I could see.I stopped at cheveron again, only this time to buy a tube of pringles. I stopped by his little sleeping bag and placed them there. I dont know if it was a good thing or a bad thing, it could have only made him hungrier.
Jon Signing off 8/21/2003 08:41:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, August 20, 2003
The Truth
I have problems with letting people get to know me. I let them only see me at a surface level. This is why it is so difficult for my to go out with people. I wish there was some way, some simple way of letting people in, but I think that in reality that would take forever and a day.I need some way to let it all out, realease all my frustration, anger, emotion, and just let loose for awhile, be free of my everthinking mind. So many "what ifs" flow through my mind that I find it truly difficult to find any way of getting to know other people. I know people at only a surface level. It makes me wonder if I have ever actually made a difference in any one of my friends life. I hope so, otherwise, what was the point of it all?
Jon Signing off 8/20/2003 10:38:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
I feel as though I have lost something, something almost crucial to any part of my normal living, yet whenever I look for it, I find nothing gone. Of course now I realize what it is. I am so very used to being with friends to talk to, deep conversations mind you, that I have a whole head full of stuff waiting to spill out. during the summer, I always had someone to talk to, but now I am left with noone. I have good friends here, just none that can share a deep conversation with. Someone that I have known for many years, my friend amanda. I miss you...
Jon Signing off 8/20/2003 10:20:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, August 17, 2003
statues crumble for me
As I sit here at my desk that is cluttered with tangerine peels along with a fork or two, I realized something. the lives of people, although longer are getting worse. Lets look at todays typical family, first , childhood. In the early 50's life was grand for kids, parents were still together, you had friends.Nowadays, the typical family has divorced parents, most kids have done drugs by the time they are 15, and so much depression, no one even realizes it.
Jon Signing off 8/17/2003 07:27:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, August 13, 2003
I want to be enlightened. I want new things to come, I am tired of the same remedial days in the hot sun. School is somewhat overbearing, for I am not used to sitting in a room for 7 hours, listening intently on some lecture that could some how or another change my life. I am tired of having the same things happen that happened last year, the sense of not truly belonging, just floating there, in the space between one group or another. It makes me need to try and get attention, I have gotten in trouble for this and now I shall quit.
Jon Signing off 8/13/2003 11:21:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Be blunt
I am unsure of what is to come. I am scared of life. I hate thinking about the future, but often times, I find myself doing exactly that, wondering. I wonder whether everything just clicks into place, as if I am some small piece of the puzzle that make up life. Life is on its way to beginning for me, but I have no clue as in where to start. sure, I have a hopeful direction of where I want it to go, but what if it doesnt, what if everything doesnt work out, how will it end? For me, it takes longer than usually to be secure with someone, especially friends, not only am I going to move to another city, but I am going to leave everything that I know. I will start over in a sense, and that is what I am unsure about, starting over.
Jon Signing off 8/13/2003 11:15:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, August 10, 2003
You cant ride in my little blue corolla, cause I totaled it.
I am finally back. I missed being back at home, but now, I miss camp. Last weekend, after all of the kids in the camp had left, we ( the Counslers) made a plan to go hang out at someones house in phoenix. Everyone agreed, and they left. Me and a couple of my friends, left a little late, and as we drove down the 69 to get back to phoenix, we crashed into another car, making both cars spin, our airbags burst, and motor oil leaking from the engine. Me, unknowing of what it was grabbed my cd case and screamed ''RUN!", thinking that it was going to explode. we all arrived safely on the side of the road. I then realized that my friend amandas arm was dripping with blood, and that her window on her side of the car was shattered. The Police came, the paramedics came , and a heliocopter flew around our heads. They determined later that I had whip lash, and that my friend had broken one of her knuckles when it went through the window. I now can truly say that I dont find driving to be as fun anymore.
Jon Signing off 8/10/2003 09:16:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, July 13, 2003
hey guys , hope you are having fun, I will call you all later see ya
Jon Signing off 7/13/2003 11:27:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, June 14, 2003
Camp life.
I realize that camp isolates me from all my other friends, sorry if I have not talked to you in a while. Camp is going all right, as with any other job, it has its ups and downs. Right now, I am trying to ignore a girl that I have liked for a while, because she did something. Not Emily. I am stupid. just thought I would let you guys know what is going on in my neck of the woods, quite literaly.
Jon Signing off 6/14/2003 10:48:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, May 31, 2003
The Chauncy incident
Well, in a couple of minutes, my time in the library of prescott will be over. Just a small recap of this weeks events. Well, friday, we had a meeting over a Chauncy Ranch, which the road to was dirt. On the way back to prescott, on the dirt road, we spun out in my car, fish tailed , and went over a cliff. There was no part of my car still on the road, and I refused to take my foot off the brake because it was all that was keeping my car form going any farther. I looked out the window, to see my friend Wes, who was following in his car, stop, and get rear ended by my friend callie, who in turn got rear ended. The only car that was truley screwed was my friend Adam that rear ended Callie. We finally got it out, only to find my car did not have a dent or scratch on it. Well, I have to go, miss you guys.
Jon Signing off 5/31/2003 05:26:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, May 24, 2003
You got some splanin to do
Today, I was forced(literaly) to go to the diamond backs game. I gave every adult that looked at me the evil eye, they quickly shut up and walked away. Liz(stepmom) came up to me and told me that it was more polite to stand when you meet someone. I walked out side and sat down, not wanting to be shown off by my dad. after half an hour of staring into nothingness, I went inside, to be greeted by two college girls, they were nice, yet ditsy, and we spent the whole night talking. we exchanged numbers, and finished the night with, I call you when your home on the weekend. This night reminded me above all, of my first kiss. Don't ask.
Jon Signing off 5/24/2003 11:52:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
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Rendevoue with de poopoo
Well, after having a few day break, and a pretty funny adventure, I have decided to write. On Friday, at lunch, most of us decided to ditch six and seventh hour to go to starbucks, it was fun. Later on, after most decided that they were going to a movie, me ashely g, and lyndsee decided to meet up at her place for awhile. Soon we began pondering things to do, of which we chose to call people in her year book. We ended up calling the wrong number, but we continued calling. (Hey, is Leon there? STOP CALLING. You sound nice. WHO IS THIS. Can I lick you? NO. why not?) we decided to leave, and soon, we arrived at school to pick up briana. We dropped her off, and were suddenly struck with the brilliant idea to hit trash cans on the sidewalk, boy did we make those puppies fly. We then picked up Briana, and began stalking little kids in lyndsees car. We chased this one kid, who began shaking, and could not open the door for the life of him. We then continued stalking kids and hitting trash cans, until there were no more kids or cans left to be hit. We went back to Ashley G's house, and Lyndsee had something in her eye, so she went home. I drove around, getting dent in my car, and having ashley manualy trash tipping. We then arrived at the decision to swim at isaacs. We went to the first pool, and ashley was being verbaly harased by a little girl, while Briana was being physically harassed by a little boy. We all had enough, got out, and went isaacs house to fill water balloons. We then proceded to hit a mans truck with one, while he was outside, and quickly drove into a dead end street. After getting out, we all went to ashley G.s house,ashley H being with us, and began filling more. After completing this task, briana challenged steve to a WATER balloon war. We stocked my car up and were riding down the street when we saw a brownish water in the bag. I the flipped a uy and went to brianas house to create a concoction of our own. Lyndsee soon joined us with stories of the girl I harrassed on the phone. we decided to split up. me, isaac, and ashley G went by foot, while lyndsee, briana, and ashley went by automobile. They came and they went, ending up puking on the sidewalk in front of old man time. While they were blowing chunkettes, me ashley, and isaac proceeded with our plan, we had a little concoction of our own. We came we went, unharmed by the brown liquid. The rest of the night, we planned on doing something, but in the end, I shall leave it to karma, to pay back what they did. Unless nothing happens by the end of the summer.
P.S.-My car is not my "baby", it is a piece of shit that I look forward to trading in for a truck. My neck hurts, goodnight.
Jon Signing off 5/24/2003 11:35:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, May 21, 2003
Kiss for your Cooperation.
Today as I opened my eyes, my dad started screaming. I answered him with another bellow. He seems to sense when I am awake. I WANT MY CAR BACK. When I stepped into first hour, I was greeted by Mrs. Duchela, who in turn, gave me a hersheys kiss, and said, "Kiss for your Cooperation". How corny
Jon Signing off 5/21/2003 08:35:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Kiss for your Cooperation.
This morning, my dad seem to sense when I am up, because he starts yelling when my eyes open. My step mom wasnt home for the past two days, so I couldn't drive her nice little convertable to school, oh well, it would have been nice. Now, I need to find a ride home, and try and fix my car before my dad gets home. Good luck to me. When I stepped into 1st hour, Mrs. Duchela came over and said, "Kiss for your Cooperation", and handed me a hershleys kiss, how corny.
Jon Signing off 5/21/2003 08:30:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, May 20, 2003
Nothing is constant other than change-Buddah
Today, after school, I went to work out. After running for half an hour, I got in my car, and tried to start it. it didnt. I tried for about an hour, and only one person asked if I needed help. I am sad that everybody doesnt have as much trust as they use to. but it is also reassuring to know that people at least still do. I called my dad, he came, shook an engin part, and by luck it started.Then as I drove home, he almost got into an accident, who's the bad driver?
Jon Signing off 5/20/2003 06:58:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, May 19, 2003
Nobody really knows where they are until it is gone
Jon Signing off 5/19/2003 09:19:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Mind splitting
Two paths one present, one future. Love to me is the extreme pleasure (not that pleasure) you get when you think of someone. Who knows. Who cares. Life. Deal. HomeWork=Fun.
Jon Signing off 5/19/2003 09:18:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Leave me alone, Thanks.
On a side note, my dad is still none the wiser to the $85.
Jon Signing off 5/19/2003 08:29:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, May 17, 2003
I want to see the moon like I have never been able to see before.
Tonight was a good night, I expected to much of the matrix , and therefore was let down... But we both had a great time. Have you ever just wanted to do something great with your life, at that very second, but reality kicks in enough to show you that it is not possible. I have.
Jon Signing off 5/17/2003 01:42:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, May 16, 2003
Good For You.
Well, after my dad being a retard an dgetting my car wet( I had Just Washed it), in his drunken stupor he gave me $85 dollars. That kind of made my day.To bad for him...
Jon Signing off 5/16/2003 05:39:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, May 15, 2003
Bragging Rights
Today as I pulled into the Osco parking lot I watched a kid light up a cigarrette. He was a freshman. I then realized that High School is the age of corruptablility. Few students have enough courage to say Fuck highschools moral codes, I AM keeping my beliefs. Most go on their way throwing away innocence as things come up. It is a time when peolpe back away from beliefs and moral codes, only wanting to fit in, but not realizing that everyone tries to, and nobody does. Watch a students life in highschool, because it drastically changes. From my own experience I know this, Freshman year, I took my virtue, and cleanleness that I had grown to have, and shoved it. I met people that took all innocence that I had ever had, and changed me. For the better I cannot say. I became just like everyone else, ditching some good friends, making new ones. Highschool means change in every persons life.
Jon Signing off 5/15/2003 01:55:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, May 14, 2003
I soaked up Philly like a sponge
I want to watch the move What Dreams May Come. It is one of my all time favorites.I spent most of my afternoon studying for the CRT in Math, hopefully that will bring my grade up to a B, if not, I shall be without a car. Camp is awaiting me, I am waithing for anything to come my way to take me away from here. Camp is not far, close, and within reach. I need independence. Someday, if this is still either on the internet, or stashed in a box in the attic, not saying that I shall have an attic, even a cardboard box would be nice. I am so tired of waitng. I dont thing that I believe in a god. Freshman year, I aware of Christianity, of which I began practicing and worshiping on a daily bases. It was known as tribe, we got together every wednesday and preached and prayed, whilst we all crammed holy junkfood into our holy mouthes. One thing led to another, and everyone split. That was the time that I began to question. Now, I don't know what I believe in, cant I just live, without being held back by beliefs? I dont like it when people try and force their religion on me, for it is not their place to ''Save" me. I once tried to have a conversation with a very religous girl. I asked her if she believed in aliens, and she swore up and down that there was no possible way, and then she tried to convince me. I told her that she had become very close minded. Good Night.
Jon Signing off 5/14/2003 10:01:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, May 12, 2003
priorities
The one and only thing that you taught me in life was to be more independent. When I was smaller, your way of parenthood was to bully me. Now that I am much bigger and stronger, you have realised that bullying is not the way. Now you threaten me. You are the only person I have grown to hate in my life, everybody else is nuetral or friend.Your fucking New Years pledge was to have a better relationship with your son, that shall never come to pass. You tried to become friends, with your phoney smile, and idiotic personality. You disgust me. If you take camp away from me, my only place of heart, spirit, and mind, I will be gone from your life faster than any other change. You dont understand me, and you never will. You somehow believe that when I leave this crap that I am going to take care of you when you grow old? Think again, you have caused enough trama in my life for me to ship you off to a nursing home without any regrets. You ask what are my priorities? I know mine, and I choose to keep them hidden from the likes of you.I ask you what are yours? YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE, ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT.
Jon Signing off 5/12/2003 11:27:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
"They are the winter rain storms", I scream, under an ugly, lazy puppy shadow. I am a bitter blue after summer and I live and sleep all day.
Don't ask. I don't know why the past few post have not posted, but hopefully, they will now. Today was a good day, it could have been worse, but it wasn't. I was bitter about studing for the chem test, but it was pretty easy. I feel bad for not posting for a few days, guilty somehow. Well, I will post later, adeau.
Jon Signing off 5/12/2003 07:35:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, May 09, 2003
"Tipping is not a city in China"
Well, we Went to Ed Debevi's, it was one of the greatest restraunts that I have been to. I am very tired, so I will right more tomorrow.
Jon Signing off 5/09/2003 10:50:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, May 08, 2003
Fortune Cookie.
Well, today was a good bad day. With year books coming out, it was a bright reminder that we only have one year left. One year left to meet, greet, befriend, and unfriend the many of our class. It is also a reminder that we will leave all we have slowly grown to know. Many of us will not see each other ever again, for it is the dividing of our paths. It is a sad day, as I walked around the campus, I found many people surrounded by friends, each looking at their own yearbook, saying, "Remeber when...". Its is yet the passing of another year, some people glad, some people not. I for one am saddend be the end of our high school life. Last night I cracked open a fortune cookie that said, "Good things are coming to you in due course of time". Maybe this is true.
Jon Signing off 5/08/2003 07:43:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, May 07, 2003
Chow Mein
Today I found out Incubus is coming to town August on the 18th. If any one is interested in going with me, tell me. Step mom came home, big relief. The End.
Jon Signing off 5/07/2003 10:09:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, May 06, 2003
Oregon
I can remember moving here, out of harsh cold , and overcast summers that I had grown to love. Coming to Arizona, full of hot cactus. I remember the first day of school, parents dropping me off, and after about an hour, people were making fun of the chubby kid. Years later am I only to realize that those that made fun of me at one time, are now my friends. I have somehow overcome a wall to be able to be happier, and yet, I am not. It seems in all my searching to find myself, I have lost who I was. Or have I? Am I the same person that I was freshman year? We all have changed somehow or another, and now, I am the only one that judges myself. I hinder.I now just want to have summer come already.
Jon Signing off 5/06/2003 06:04:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
County Hick
The first thing he asked of me was "have you cleaned your room yet?''. Asshole. "yes", I replied." 'Cause you know, it was really dirty.". Then He just went on and on about it. I put the phone down and went to the bathroom. By the time I came back, he was still going,"...And you know you wont be able to live that way in a dorm". He is so stupid. Give him a piece of bread to talk about, and he can go on for days.The only way I keep on going is just remebering, 1 more year.I try...
Jon Signing off 5/06/2003 05:48:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, May 05, 2003
Joe...
He slowly became aware of his awkward surroundings. "Can I have another cookie?", the little boy asked.
"No", she mumbled as she stitched the childs arm back on.
He ran, unable to even comprehend what he had just seen. He hoped that he was dreaming, but deep down, he knew not. He kept on running, slowly starting to tire. He fell, and just laid there, unwilling to move. There was a silent murmur upon the cool breeze. He listened."You have to live life to the fullest", a voice croaked in his ear. Startled, he looked over, only to see shadows flickering among the twisted trees. He thought about the words that had just been uttered. He realized then, that he was dead. He had not lived his life to the fullest, nor would he get a second chance to do so.
Jon Signing off 5/05/2003 08:11:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
I dont even know who I am anymore
Jon Signing off 5/05/2003 07:59:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Welcome....Youve Been Impaled
I am amazingly bored stiff, when I am bored, I end up thinking way to much. Do you realize how many deaths there have been at thunderbird in the last month? Are we slowly evolving to become xmen? What the hell is that touching my arm? When will everything settle, and become stable, routine, and genuine. Who the hell reads this crap?
On another note, Mrs. Luman died, Brianas dog died, and I got to work out today. Well, I hope you all have a good time, doing something a little more productive than that of me.
Jon Signing off 5/05/2003 07:52:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Life
I need silence, to be away, in the forest, all those mountain hermits have the good life. How is this bullshit that I am doing now supposed to prepare me for what is to come, life itself. I wish I could just go either to austrailia, or Oregon. I miss the cloudy overcast days that were some of the best times of my life. The sun everyonce and awhile peeking through frozen pine trees, the various snow sculptures built by children.
Jon Signing off 5/05/2003 07:51:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, May 04, 2003
Dark
My room is dark now, with memories and the certain unwillingness of me to go out of it. My stepmom left till wednsday. Me and My father get along ok, but we never talk. I either wait till he is gone or asleep to come out. He calls my room a cave, I call it my sanctuary. He comes in here to complain. Just dont come in, I didnt invite you. I even lock the door so you cant come up with an excuse of why you were in there. Go AWAY.
Jon Signing off 5/04/2003 01:18:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, May 01, 2003
Silence
Ahhh... The joys of not having Spanish Class. I was looking for what had me down all the time and I finally found it. I went for a jog last night, it was nice, complete and total silence, with a twist of energy. I was bored the rest of the night. Today, I finished school, and nothing happened, Oh What An Exciting Life I Lead...
Jon Signing off 5/01/2003 06:06:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, April 28, 2003
Dude! Dude! Duuude!
I went to the Gym today, and worked out for about 3 hours. I then came home, after rockin in my car to the tunes of AFI, to find the most delicious looking pizza I have ever seen. I could not hold back and quickly only crumbs were left. I then had the courage to look on the pizza box for calories, 300 per slice. Damn. What is the point of working out when you only eat something fattening. Besides that, this week looks like one of the greater one, already, I am going to drop spanish, have to half-days, and no EOP, yes ashley, this means I can take you to school. Well, Have a good day, peace out.
Jon Signing off 4/28/2003 07:52:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, April 27, 2003
Fuck! Mother Fuck! Fuck Shit Fuck!
Well, Firday was the day that I decided that life sucks, oh, wait, thats a thought I have everyday. Anyway, I decided to drop spanish, and with much pleading, my parents gave in. The only thing is that I have to take Night school next year. Damn. Jake asked me why I wasnt going to the viewing, my only reply was , "My parents are making me go to this stupid ass thing...". I lied. I know its sad in all, but I didnt really know him, I know if I died, I would think it was a bit awkward to have somebody go thatdidnt even know me. It is not supposed to be a trend, just a day of mouning. Saturday. I woke at 5:10 am to began driving to camp. I drove like 90 mph the whole way. I also made it there in a hour and 10 minutes. As I climed the mountain in my sputering car, I realized that my boss has the best job. He is almost on permanent vacation. I came to camp, and found people running up to me giving me hugs. I have camp family. They were so excited to see me that I wish I could stay forever. I looked around and found a lot of trees missing, because of the drought and the plague of wood beatles. Throughout the rest of the day, I gave tours of camp and taught archery. I love my job. At about 7:00 pm I decided against my better judgement that it was time to leave. I arrived in phoenix at 9. I went to Osco, and looked for something to chew. I bought some black licorice. I then went to Waldens and began to look for a book to enlighten me. at ten they kicked me out. I then drove over to HER house(kelley) and slept in my car till about 11. I got really drunk and am not in the mood to discuss it. I woke at 8:30 feeling good, then I stood up and immeadeatly had to sit back down. I had a massive hangover and there was no aspirin in the house. I composed my self and called my dad to tell him I was on my way home from prescott. I got a burger and an oreo milkshake and came home to reality. I took a long cold shower. My stepmom came up to me and said, "I know you dont want to lose your car, so get those grades up for me." I told her I was dropping spanish. She was ok with it. I think all in all, Every thing is going to be all right, Rockabye.
Jon Signing off 4/27/2003 07:35:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, April 24, 2003
Repeat
Well, today was something of the same as yesterday. The only difference is that I decided not to go to track, today I wanted a day to myself, to think, reflect and maybe catch up on homework and sleep. Ahhhh... Sit back, relax and enjoy the life...
Jon Signing off 4/24/2003 09:09:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, April 23, 2003
Dream
I had a dream the other night. I guess because of the depressing news and all of the thinking about who is close to you, it had a deep impact on my subconcious. The dream was about me and my dad. My dad had a heart attack and was dieing when he called for me, but I never came. I then remember my stepmom came to me and told me that he had died. For the rest of the night I heard myself moaning about it. I hope there will be no more.
Jon Signing off 4/23/2003 09:53:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Sounds like someones got a case of the wednesdays
Today has been one of those days. I awoke 30 minutes early, to study my favorite class, spanish. After trying to wright an essay, I went through the school day in the usual blur of classes, a smear of math along with a pinch of chemistry.I finally dinished the day with the thought of going home and getting ready for the meet.I found my favorite new soda to be awaiting me in the cooler of circle K. I came back to school, and found everyone of the track people to be wearing a small yellow piece of tape to honor the death of Joel. I thought about what this little piece of yellow tape could really do. I then completed the day with a less than awesome vault, of which I will not say. I was invited to go to Chilli's with a couple of friends, I declined, and went home to read about the symbolism between Joel and his unfinished tv stand, it all makes you think about how lucky you really are, just to be able to eat an apple, or take a shower.
Jon Signing off 4/23/2003 09:00:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, April 22, 2003
The Change
I have been talking to all of my friends, and something has changed in each one of us. Every person no matter who they were or what they did came to the sudden realization that anyone can die. I now treasure each one of my friends for who they are and what they do, because you never know how you might miss them until theyre gone. To anyone that I have ever insulted, hurt or been stupid to, I am sorry.
Jon Signing off 4/22/2003 07:45:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, April 21, 2003
Thorn
This weekend was a roller coaster. On thursday, my family left for mexico, within the first couple of hours there, my aunt was drunk enough to grab some other ladies breasts, basically my family was drunk and hilariouse.Later sunday night, I found out about Joel McClure dieing.I did know who he wasm but I didnt know him personally, but it was still a shock to have some one that you see everyday, just diseaper. Why is there so much hate in the world, and why do we take it out on others? Just think instead of Joel dieing, it could have been a good friend or even you. even though I didnt go to school today, I went to track and found many posters for the carwash . I talked to a few of his good friends and had my car washed.
R.I.P.
Joel McClure
1984-2003
Jon Signing off 4/21/2003 07:36:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, April 14, 2003
No Sleepy For You!
Well thanks to mrs. ram being gone last wednsday, I have to go to EOP this week too. This is interesting Bored.Com .
Jon Signing off 4/14/2003 08:43:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, April 11, 2003
Friends
I realized today, that I dont have any best friends, just well... friends. There is nothing wrong with that of course, but, have you ever wanted someone, who you could just have a good, interesting conversation, instead of the usual , "hey dude, whats the homework in sawyers class." , which makes me also think, maybe I wont let anyone get that close, maybe those elementary and middle school days of being teased because I was fat, or semi antisocial have taken an impact in my everyday life. I think that I have set barriers for myself, that I cannot simply role over. After a shot a vodka, sure anyone can become talkitive.
I also realize, that I always go past a certain point, that should not be crossed, I have become annoying to many, me just being this stupid kid who likes to compulsively touch, throw or talk, in wrong times. I need to slow myself down a little and just stop, the question is, can I?
I have had to many thoughts throughout today, thinking of ways to weezle out of being caught for drinking, but cant I just take blame for what actions I am responsible for?
Jon Signing off 4/11/2003 03:36:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, April 10, 2003
Splittster
Right now, I am going back and forth between two paths, one to have a party, and probably get caught, or two, wus out and have th whole weekend to myself. THe only difference between this weekend and the last, will be that I will be hanging out with people I actually want to. For awhile, I was thinking aboutmoving this little page O mine, feeling that people werent liking me, but who cares, let them think what they want, their life, not mine.
Jon Signing off 4/10/2003 10:14:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, April 09, 2003
I Want to be some where else...
Today started just like any other day,emotions running like no other. life has gotten way to routine for me. I need to let things out, but I am afraisd o fthe judgement that shall pass.Life is way to short to have people being mad at one another, it is also way to long. One of my friends showed me a pamphlet about the horrors of eating meat. I was disgusted. I need change. I just want to be alone for a good week, away from anything that talks. How nice. I act happier than I truly am. I also act differently around different friends, both faults of my own.
When I was a kid, I was one of those "wont stop till you scream kids", I probably still am.I need someone to talk to, the person that I chose, was, well, not always there, and never listened. Why do I put myself in such strange situations? I need to go somewhere and get away. Lifes a bitch and then you die. That is what my dad used to say, he knows that mush at least.
Jon Signing off 4/09/2003 10:54:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, April 08, 2003
Reflection
I realize that anything that I have to learn , that has not had something to do with school was already known by me, I am just trying to reteach myself what I already know. Morgan has many points in her blog about kids growing up to think anything is possible, when usually in teens, they come to the realization that not everything is possible, and this leads to the downfall of many peoples lives. Life has many ups and down, there are to many people that struggle for what they can never achieve. I just want to start my life already. I want to move out , because of many reasons, and try and finish my life without as many conflicts as I can. Maybe I will become a hermit. They seem to lead a fairly simple life. well enough for now.Adeau
Jon Signing off 4/08/2003 10:10:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, April 07, 2003
Ummmm.... Yeah.....
If anyone has any goood bands that they know, feel free to drop me a line.I am always out for discovering new musica.
Jon Signing off 4/07/2003 08:36:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Good Day
This day went by without any friction, well except for Ashley. Why cant she be the bigger person and just forget about it? Oh well. Well, after track, I ventured to target and got Chevelle(CD). If you like Tool, and a mix of hard rock this is the CD for you.I then went to work out, and now I am actually sore. I came home to find my dad watching some mexican porn show, went inside my room and ate dinner. Now I shall continue reading.
Jon Signing off 4/07/2003 08:23:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, April 06, 2003
Just give me that Prom prom prom prom prom
Well after an awesome night of prom, and the best sleep that I have ever had.After asking Emily out on a date, I went to sleep. Today I had a huge craving for reading. I wanted to read so bad, that I went to waldens and spent about 2 hours there with out leaving. Well, now I am off to read.
Jon Signing off 4/06/2003 07:56:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, March 31, 2003
Ups and Downs
Well, I am back after many days of ...Well, not being all there, I am once again myself, and now, I feel fine.But, I don't think I will be putting myself in that situation again. Well, I heard the new Linkin Park CD, and it Rocked... Note the sarcasm, it was the worst music that I have heard in a while. Why can't any of the good bands come out with new CD's.
Jon Signing off 3/31/2003 08:25:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, March 30, 2003
Shitter
*This is what I tried to write at 3:56 AM on Sunday Morning
Today I realized something . I mostly hangout with people that have a bad influence on me.I feel like my life is slowly spinning out of control. After doing the only good deed that I would do this weekend, I called her. I didnt really want to but I did. After a few words, I subconciously forgave her and suddenly had plans that night. Later that night, 4 peolple arrived at my house, two of which were strangers to me, but, after getting 6 Coronas in me I didnt care. I watched my actions that night, and I was disgusted with myself, not only had I invited the person that had had the only bad influence in my life, but I smoked out with them. Not one of my better decisions on my part, now, 2 days later, I am still feeling the effects of it in my body, I am not totally all there yet. Saturday morning, I awoke, and found myself reminiscing about what had happened last night, I could only remeber blotches of it. I also found $30 dollars missing. I will never ever smoke pot again.I hate it.
Jon Signing off 3/30/2003 11:42:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, March 29, 2003
drunkin fumn
Well tonight is one of the first of many drunken nights to come Fun Fun. call me.
Jon Signing off 3/29/2003 12:17:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, March 18, 2003
Welcome to Tonapah
Well, I am now in tonapah, the most deserted place that I have been close to in a while. So far I have them there noticed that my step brother has the worst english in the world, and I have heard the phrase "Fuck You Mother Fucker" way to many times. That phrase reminds me of camp... I asked him how my mom found out I was drinking. He said she probably knew, but how did she know about the shots? Well, I will tell you how everything turns out, and maybe show some pictures.
Jon Signing off 3/18/2003 12:15:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, March 14, 2003
Got Milf?
Well, Punk...Do Ya?
Jon Signing off 3/14/2003 04:03:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Well Well Well
I made it! Spring break is finally here and I am prepared to fufill the lazyness that has over come me for the past two weeks. Well, after telling mrs. Ram to her face that she was a bad teacher, she suprised me by letting me retake a quiz at the end of the period. Now all I have to do is listen to music for a week straight. I now promise to start doing my homework at home, I did it last night!. Whoo Hoo.Have a great Spring Break.
Jon Signing off 3/14/2003 03:57:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, March 12, 2003
Chasing the sun
Jon Signing off 3/12/2003 10:30:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Milkdud872 sucks
Jon Signing off 3/12/2003 10:24:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Too Much To Soon
Well, after yet another day of not turning in homework, I realized something, I NEED HELP. This lunacy has got to end, the next month shall determine the future of my life. God Help Me. I stole mrs. rams stamp today, after distracting her, I gave it to eric, who had my calander. I dont know how that turned out. I feel lonely. I need someone to have a good conversation with. where are you? I am tired of life. I have already posted that thought many times throughout.I found the most interesting bug today, it was on lauras shirt, and after watching it clean itself, I realized that it had so many human characteristics. I don't know how prom will turn out, hopefully, I will have a girlfriend by the end, but who knows. Well, track was ok.Well, now I am off to try and study some chem, finish my english, and finish spanish as soon as I can. Where does the universe lead to?
Jon Signing off 3/12/2003 09:54:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, March 11, 2003
Abandon your bride
I laugh at my below post. Ha. I cant stop it, I need to finish but I cant
Jon Signing off 3/11/2003 10:34:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
abandon your pride
After many nights of procrastination, I have decided to end it, I am tired of the homework consistently not being turned in. I have a ton of work to do, but I will try my hardest to finish it. Damn tv, computer, phone, music, car, hunger...
Jon Signing off 3/11/2003 07:18:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, March 10, 2003
Fly
I saw her today, as I was driving home from track. She looked at me as she speed on, and as if to confirm her thought, I looked away and cranked up my music loud. I wanted to be in one of the car comercials, where a group of friends are going to a party, but decide not to in the end. Everything is coming closer, I am slowly hyperventilating, slowly going insane. What is the point of this? I remeber when I was like 2 when everything seemed so wonderfull, and now I wonder why it cant be the same. even to go back to the 1800's would be a relief. I just want to fly, put your arms around me, baby, put your arms around me baby.
Jon Signing off 3/10/2003 09:34:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, March 09, 2003
Procrastination Casteration
I hate every single piece of homework that I am given, this sucks, wvweything is slowly being pushed on me, I am almost crushed. My DBQ is due soon, and spanish, english, french, german, and what ever else fucking subject there are.Life sucks. My mom found out that I drank, Because of my stupid stepbrother, she told me it wasn't ok, but that she was a teenager once to. oh well
Jon Signing off 3/09/2003 10:45:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, March 07, 2003
SADDDDDDDDD
the quote, "every friend, was once a perfect stranger..." can be arranged to my situation, "every stranger, was once a perfect friend..."
Jon Signing off 3/07/2003 10:05:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Positive/Negative.
Well, today was another dissapointment. Why does life have to be this way?Every thing seems ready to slam shut and stay permanent, unwilling to yield to the slightest bit of change. Anyone who reads this, have fun with what you are doing, life is to short and chaotic
Jon Signing off 3/07/2003 09:49:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, March 05, 2003
Ass Wednsday
Well today was one of those days when you feel like sleeping forever. I woke up and felt like crap, I grabbed a Claritin and went to school. When I got there, I found that I was missing most of my homework. I ended my day with a nice big dose of spanish. I then went to track where I no heighted and felt like quiting. Then after I had written a paragraph for this thing, it didnt save it. Will it work this time?
Jon Signing off 3/05/2003 09:11:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, March 03, 2003
Aw Hell
Does blogger even flipping work anymore?
Jon Signing off 3/03/2003 06:23:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, March 02, 2003
Life
After looking at life for my 17 years, it has thrown me so many different situations for me to enterpret. I have decided that I shall no longer alter it withthe different ways there are, but only enhance it. Life is totaly different from any other object that anyone has ever encoutered. Life is great. Music is great. Have you ever just watched the way someone talkes or looks at something? you can almost see what they are thinking by the way their body moves.
Jon Signing off 3/02/2003 10:33:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Stiff
Well after a week of bad fortune , the weekend also sucked ass. well , not really. nothing happened this weekend and I was bored stiff. How stiff do you ask? Stiff enough to play harry potter for and hour straight. After a while, some of the family friends came and we had fun. the rest was boriing.Wheres the fun at?
Jon Signing off 3/02/2003 05:47:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, February 25, 2003
SonDueMoni
Well, now I am building a site called SonDueMoni, don't ask what it means it just came to me. I will eventually get it up and runnig, but now, I just remembered to write two essays so now I will do it. What does SonDueMoni mean?
Jon Signing off 2/25/2003 10:15:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsMonday, February 24, 2003
"Fuck You" Part II
ARGH.... My dad is the most moronic person I know. Today he wanted me to take him to walmart to get some light bulbs. i told him I had some studying to do, he insisted and was in my care in a jiffy. I started driving carefully, and we got to walmart.did I mention that he is the worst backseat driver? well after getting out, we drove home, thats when he made the comment that I was a reckless driver. I was pissed, I am one of the only people I know that has not gotten into a wreck of had a ticket, but he said it. I was PISSED. I didnt talk to him for the rest of the night. On another not, my step brother got caught with stollen money, this is his lucky week. Pole vaulting was fun, I am finally getting back to where I was at last year, at the sucking as phase, which is much better than the sucking ass with tongue phase. Well besides the stupidity that my father showed I have had a pretty good day, music does that to me, influences my mood. Why is school so boring?
Jon Signing off 2/24/2003 08:22:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, February 23, 2003
Night
Once again I find myself posting yet another comment. I was going to rant about how this weekend, I really found out who my friends were, but who cares? Why do all of my good friends all do drugs? and who the hell is supposeed to be standing next to me helping with all of lifes ASS?
Jon Signing off 2/23/2003 12:58:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSaturday, February 22, 2003
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jon Signing off 2/22/2003 07:48:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Waste
Well, today is turning out to be like yesturday, remotely wastefull of a good day. I find myself watching stupid Discover Channel programs about aliens and UFO's .When will it end. Called someone today and found myself to be listening to another excuse of life..."I uh...I will call you later". "sure" I said and put the phone down. My friend tracy says that I have social problem, but is it me or them? I realize that life has much greater meaning then that of what we learn. Why cant the answers just be there?
Jon Signing off 2/22/2003 06:00:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Hate
I hate people who say they will be there for you, but never are. I hate people that say they will do something with you but dont. I need more dependable friends. I hate people that dont tell you up front what they feel, but make you wait. Lifes a bitch and then you die. I hate life, is there someway out? Not SUICIDE DUMBASS! I just want my life to go forward, I hate Highschool, Best years of my life my ass. The only song to cure hate is by O.A.R. called Hold On True. I try. Why is life so depressingly rediculus?
Jon Signing off 2/22/2003 01:50:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, February 20, 2003
hmmm.....
Life seems so complicated, only because past generations think that we can handle just a little more stress, when Society is falling apart before our very eyes.Why cant we just live like cavemen?
Jon Signing off 2/20/2003 05:44:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsWednesday, February 19, 2003
Well, well, well....
Life now doesn't suck as much anymore. I now have a date to prom and my nose is big, big like a pickle. thats such a cool song, its known as "humpty dance" by digital underground. Why is music so influentual?
P.S. Briana you just have fun with that kid, I think its because he likes you that you like him, well thats just my opinion...
Jon Signing off 2/19/2003 09:27:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, February 18, 2003
"FUCK YOU!"
Well life sucks ass with tongue. Not only was last week bad but this week looks to be the same. First, I have a doctors appointment, prescribing more pills, next, my computer starts acting up and lastly MY DAD IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE. While he was urinating in my bathroom, he calls for me to come in, I dont. Then he starts bitching about my bathrooms shower being a mess. Next he zips up hollering about how the fucking world is falling apart and he gets in my face. I could have punched the mother fucker. He starts screaming and is like. " and Next time, say YES, SIR" I flip the bird and go into my room and lock it behind me. Why are parents so retarted?
P.S. Briana I know you like Isac or what ever the fuck his name is.Why?
Jon Signing off 2/18/2003 09:46:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsSunday, February 16, 2003
Lucky
Today, as I was driving, one of the nissan frontiers pulled infront of me. I just kept on driving and gave him some room. Good thing I did. I watched as a propane tank pulled out of his back and bounced around on the pavement in front of me. Wow, I could have just died.Do you want to be remembered for who you were or what you did when you die?
Jon Signing off 2/16/2003 01:05:00 AM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsFriday, February 14, 2003
Guilt trip
I have had a week straight from HELL.Well, my car got broken into today, or last night. They stole nothing except my fucking back pack. Who cares what I write in my homework? When my dad saw the smashed piece of art, he started bellowing about the club, or, my "security system" as I like to call it. Well after an awesome schoolday of explaining my situation to each and every teacher, I took two tests. After bumming a ride from a friend, I ventured into my little house, only to find my car window fixed and the exciting doctors appointment awaiting me.(Read Below, View discretion is advised).After that, I scurried to the nearest Targay, and found a nice card for mi padres. after many minutes being home, my dad gave me the "when I was 16, I had a job, bought a car, with my own money and payed for the gas" talk. I was like, "I am sorry I am such a hasle", which intern made him feel guilty and not I. I WON! Who are you really? Are you someone that is someone different with each set of friends?
Jon Signing off 2/14/2003 06:33:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
"Scalpel...Doctor, I said Scalpel, not that scalpel"
I again went to the doctor to day, and well, had the best experience of my life. first they poked around with a scalpel, I felt the blood run down my leg, then they take the biggest syringe they have and stick it into the blob. they pulled out a whole syringe full of what looked like pee, and I just watched with amazement. oh, and my step brother was caught with pot.Who made you the boss? Well?... Who?
Jon Signing off 2/14/2003 06:18:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsThursday, February 13, 2003
"Shake my hand" "I cant, I dont have any"
Dont you hate being alone on saturdays after one of your friends blows you off, I know I do. I have started talking to Alana again, and alls well. What's insane? Whats Sane? How do we know? How do we know if the person that sane is modeled after wasn't insane?
Jon Signing off 2/13/2003 10:05:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
Rock on, Dr. Spock
so I got back from the D after a shot in the ass, and it still hasnt healed. Don't you hate it when people hate?
Jon Signing off 2/13/2003 06:57:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 commentsTuesday, February 11, 2003
Stupid Things
Last night I got no sleep because of my stupid knee. Today I could barley walk because of it. I wish I could tear it off. I hate knees. Do you yahoo? I know I do. Have you ever felt that a song that you listen to comes from a part in your soul.I hate Knees.
Jon Signing off 2/11/2003 07:57:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
0 comments
woo hoo your mama's blue
Jon Signing off 2/11/2003 06:23:00 PM
There is no never ending banquet under the sun...
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IAMTHEillusioNATION
Mona lisa is the property of the lourve.
Da vinci Code belongs to danbrown
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