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Friday, September 15, 2006
A Serious Rant.

So... I just watched a movie. It opened my eyes a little. Its a mainly gay oriented movie called "Eating Out"...

For some reason deep down inside me I am breaking apart. I haven't told my parents, and I think that next time my parents bring it up I might say something. I am so tired of hiding my life from my family. I feel disconnected. I feel as though I am not letting them know me at all. I have a huge weight on my shoulders that has been there since I can remember. I found myself wishing at the end of the movie that my parents were as accepting as those in the movie.

I think that I have a deep down bit of homophobia, and that is weird because, well, I am one. If a guy is too flambouyant or feminine, I cringe inside a little and I don't really know why. I could blame it on my environment when I was a kid, but is that the real truth? I am out of that, and surrounded by people who accept me for who I am. So why?

What if there is a real god? how could he impose something like this on someone? To go down a path that is often looked down upon. Is it to show strength in diversity as Jesus did? Will I burn in Hell eternal for trying to be happy with myself? Or will me striving to be happy be enough? is there a god? Ever since I knew, I have always questioned. Its fucked up if I was born this way and will go to Hell because of it.

Jon Signing off 9/15/2006 01:15:00 AM

There is no never ending banquet under the sun...

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